Played a good session of volleyball today. We had enough at one point for 6 on 6 (the rest were 5 on 5), so I even got a chance to play a 5-1 offense. That game ended up going to 21-19... almost approaching rally-style scores.
Afterwards Jet and I went to a Korean restaurant in campus called Dorca's - sort of a family run outfit. It seems to be pretty much the only Korean restuarant around here that I go to, and I always pretty much seem to order the same thing -- kimchi jigae. For some reason, I consider that dish kind of a guilty pleasure. I think it's because I consider it the Korean cultural equivalent of macaroni & cheese. It's damn tasty though. I guess with pork added, it has a little extra class... =)
This realization has inspired me to fix up an after-midnight snack of mac & cheese, heh, which I'm currently preparing as I speak (ok, write). If I were Gene, I'd make some fancy gourmet version that's super tasty. However, my unsophisticated self will just settle for packaged mac & cheese, though some garlic powder and black pepper often works wonders (thanks for the tip Roy). By the way, is it me or do many "insert thumb here and pull back" boxes just NOT WORK? I'm sorry but surface perforations on cardstock just doesn't cut it (no pun intended). [05:04]
Wasted some time flipping through channels today. I happened to catch Things Behind the Sun on Showtime (our apartment sort of gives this channel to us -- it's kind of weird), which I thought was pretty decent.
It made me really itchy to start writing songs again. Lyrics/premises have always been my Achilles heel in terms of output, which has often left me feeling like I have nothing to say. But something in this movie made me feel like there's stuff to tap that I just must have not noticed all this time.
One discrepancy that hit me in the film: at one point, the female lead hears a song and cries out "Oh, I love Boyce/Hart!" but I'm certain that was actually a Monkees tune (an alternate take I believe) and I'm pretty sure one not written by Boyce/Hart. I forget exactly which song it was, otherwise I could say definitively. Anyway, didn't take away from the film really. If rape, confronting trauma, using music or alcohol to escape, or being the "sober" supporting friend are interesting subjects to you, this film may be worth checking out. [05:23]
Biked today. A good 35.44 mile trek out on the open country roads with M and R. Ran into a Frito Lay plant as we were about to start heading back home.
A beer/chill outing was being thrown around for this weekend with L and S, but I haven't heard any definite plans. I guess I'll try and track them down tomorrow and see if it's really happening. If not, I think I'll just have to grab them one of these nights impromptu - this planning thing with them doesn't seem to be working lately.
It appears it'll be another two weeks before band practices start up again. I need for myself to get a good session on "tape" and an at-least-promising gig out of this soon. Financial crunch time (and professional restlessness) is starting to set in, and it's time to start seriously considering doing a "real" job instead of all this consulting bullshit. I want to keep this band a priority -- especially considering all the time I've put into it so far -- but I need these to feel it's worth being a constraint and not just a bonus.
It's kind of lonely in some ways. There's something special about the soft touch of breath, holding someone secure in a safe haven, playful and unabashed sharing of space. Securing a head on another. Breathing in sync. Hand over heart. Asleep against your shoulder. Random acts of appreciation. Trust. Knowledge of weaknesses. Touch. Then there's not having these things. I miss the simple things. Sometimes remembering is not a choice.
During the past two weeks, I felt blogging and I weren't likely to mix well. Being stuck in a rut sucks. Now we're back together again though. Thanks for the patience. [02:18]
On a lighter note, after talking with an old friend I have decided that I'm going to start reading books at night before sleep. I may move this time around depending on how well this works. In any case, it's time to start reading again. This is something I've kept putting off, but no longer. If people have suggestions for material, I'd welcome them. Nonfiction suggestions are fine, but I'd really like to pick up at least one good fiction work - it's just been too long.
Things have kept me fairly occupied lately. Some highlights from this past week include:
- J (yes, another one) visited Champaign. At dinner, she responded to a "so why aren't you two together?" joke with an open declaration of this topic being addressed many years ago (four, in fact) and me being their "relationship counselor". Quite amusing. Funny thing is, I still don't know why they haven't tried getting together since then.
- Steve and I have discussed band issues and set forth some short term goals, the first being to commit to "tape" decent recordings of each of our songs within the next 2-3 practices.
- Subbu (one of the guys I play volleyball with) headed out to Minneapolis today, but first took a small group of friends (S, L, and me) out to Papa Del's (deep dish, aw yeah) Tuesday night. Afterwards, I walked L to her car and there we stood out in the lightly rainy weather under cover of trees and the fading daylight just enjoying talking for a while.
- Subbu also held a mostly vegetarian BBQ on Friday for a preponderance of colleagues, in this quaint apartment courtyard. I knew only two other people there to any significant degree (S and S =) ). Afterwards, a group of 10 of us (I was the lone (East) Asian among Indians) went bowling. This group had an interesting dynamic - comraderie whose expression I think is somewhat atypical culturally in the US. I had fun, and bowled a 126 (which wasn't bad considering I started with a 1 in the first frame, and bowled 9's in three of the next four).
- Took time to talk over some issues with a good friend - in her life, my life, and also recent things that have come up between us. Most important of all, things are still honest and in the open, and insecurities are not being withheld. Plus plenty of good laughs about impolite stuff.
- Got another good conversation in with Mark (this one about dynamics and opportunity to grow/gain from online conversations versus those in person), who has always been good for that.
I've decided to make some other changes to make myself more productive. I'll write more about that later, depending on how that goes... =) Anyway, hopefully things aren't getting too somber around here. [01:33]
Well, in case anyone got the wrong idea - my mini-depression passed, later Wednesday night in fact. I realize I didn't make this completely clear, but the thing that was impacting the most that day was that I was feeling down despite being certain that I wouldn't. Of course, that doesn't change the fact that I wish 9/11 hadn't become what it has in this nation.
Incidentally, I was looking at a tribute to a photographer who died capturing the WTC disaster. The tribute was well done, and the salvaged photos are pretty powerful. I wish people could see that this heartbreak, this horror, this determination -- evident in these photos -- is common fare in some places. Except in these places, they have substandard emergency medical capabilities - which gets shot at when attending wounded, whose ambulances get commandeered and covertly loaded with enemy soldiers, or simply denied access. In these places, the wounded aren't all taken away for care - they're strapped onto tanks as they rumble through refugee camps (of people sequestered from their homes in their own country), or die after days where no one can approach them lest they get shot. We finally know the horror of terror (for which I am truly sad), but having the luxury of taking care of our own and easy retaliation we might never understand the true horror. I pray that we do (without experiencing it here, of course), and perhaps someday also realize that our government and industry's past and current ways of conducting international affairs make this kind of terror more, not less, common.
I wasn't supposed to get fucking depressed today. I mean, the events of 2001.09.11 didn't really affect me that badly. It's all the things that have happened in the year AFTER that wild day that have been truly upsetting. The willing erosion of civil liberties, the enactment of a gestapo government, the list goes on. But perhaps worst of all is the media's coup in filtering and shaping information that, in the public's hands, might have resulted in real, meaningful changes for the better.
I was supposed to be shielded from it all - I avoided TV and (mainstream) news sites, like always. I couldn't quite capture why I still felt something though. The thought of raining on people's grief/reflective parade wasn't thrilling either. And I felt alone.
I went through some profound changes while watching what was happening in this country in the last third of last year. I finally opened my eyes to what the real world outside our cozy nation looks like. It was a slow, and skeptical process - but it proved ultimately rewarding (and even, oddly enough, gave me hope for the future).
A big part of growth came thanks to a great little alternative news program called Democracy Now! Until a few weeks after 9/11, I had considered myself decidedly in the minority opinion of its listener base. I didn't agree with everything I heard, but I heard the things that I couldn't hear anywhere else... the things I needed to hear. Thank you DN!
[BTW, If you feel you're not getting the full picture from "news" sources like CNN, I highly encourage you to check these guys out. It's a 1-2 hour weekday news program that gives voice to information and opinions that don't fit into the corporate and political agenda of mainstream news agencies - very much worth following. They rebroadcast in many areas, and they also have their programs in RealAudio on the web.] In particular, the first broadcast that I really needed to hear was a talk given by Johan Galtung, founder of peace studies. It was my first validation that I wasn't the only one thinking the thoughts I had.
Once again, I realize that I can't just be silent and I don't want to be alone. I have things I want to share, because I think many of us shared the same thing coming out of 9/11. Something that has not been well-served by the media. Or am I really alone in thinking this?
To gaze deeply into the eyes of someone can tell you everything there is to know. All the layers and all the innermost pains and joys can be unlocked through that most special of organs, bypassed to reveal the soul.
Many things pull people in a multitude of ways, personal concerns often ruling the tempo of our lives. It's easy sometimes to draw conclusions - about people, about events, about their ramifications - but sometimes looking into the eyes tells a different story. A story that can change everything.
Caught the 4th quarter of the Bears' opening game against the Vikings with Roy and Jet. They looked really sharp, and had a spectacular finish. Traffic after the game was horrendous though. I know where to steer clear of now, though.
I tried getting in touch with my brother Alex (who just started his first year at Oberlin) as well as with J (no, not this J or that J =) ), but ended up leaving messages with both. Otherwise, it was mostly just a ho-hum day, though I have lots of freshly laundered clothes now.
Covers
Well, the current plan (as of last practice) for a cover for our set was Elvis's Suspicous Minds. Only thing is it never seemed to click. I haven't given up on it yet. While driving home last practice though, I heard Tommy James and the Shondell's I Think We're Alone Now and thought that that could seriously rock as a punk-ish sort of cover (which seems to be what Steve is aiming for). At one point, he wanted to do Screeching Weasel's Veronica Hates Me - I think any number of songs off of that album (My Brain Hurts) would work well too. *shrug* Anyone else have any ideas? [05:30]
I'm dead tired, but I'll just mention that I spent the better part of the last 5 hours or so getting to know J (no, not that J ;), this one's Scott's J) with Mark. It was a very fun time. It's really cool when people you know marry (are SOs with, etc) good, smart, loving people.
It added some insight into Scott for me as well.
I'm an editing man...
I took the liberty of editing the last entry just a few moments ago. After a comment by Mark, I realized I wasn't communicating my thoughts exactly as intended in my prior entry. I don't know if protocol dictates that I should behave otherwise, but I decided to answer that question later. Thoughts anyone?
Incidentally, I've decided to never post new entries from within lynx again (unless I absolutely must anyway). It's just not a tool that encourages making minor edits while composing prose. Peace, all. [08:27]
There was something I wanted to post about, but I have forgotten. Perhaps the action of saying that I've forgotten it will make it pop into my head later (like 20 minutes after I leave the vicinity of a computer).
Yesterday
However, failing that I'll say what I was going to say yesterday. Basically, it turns out my two normal Thursday activities both had to be cancelled... Bridge in the afternoon with Will because of my unexpected work binge this week, and band practice at night (in bloody Chicago - gah that drive is killing me) due to the death of a very close friend of our drummer Jon the night before. As for me, this is probably just as well since I was getting so exhausted. I had yet another night of short sleep, and this was the longest work day yet. Afterwards, I joined Roy and Jet at Glenn Poor's (where I witnessed the beginnings of the usual - my friends trumping me) before trying out a new Chinese place by there with Kurt.
This is one of those crappy looking places stuck in a strip mall, with a cheezy name like "Super Wok". My expectations were quite low - however, upon entering I noticed a row of pictures above the counter showing various menu items, but they were on this particular style of dishware. For some reason, I felt this was a positive sign. Then I noticed their menu had a certain style to it - one that, like the dishware style in the pics, said this is a cheap-ass place, but one that is run by Chinese people with an eye at not turning off Asian people (too badly anyway =) ). Of course, since this was primarily a takeout place, they don't actually use that dishware, but their decision to use it in those cheesy looking photos seemed a tip-off. Anyway, I was surprised - it was pretty decent, particularly the hot and sour soup.
Anyway, I went home and figured I'd write my tiny little entry and then get some rest time in, but I never got that far. I pretty much collapsed around 8 or 8:30 last night.
Today
I usually feel like ass when I sleep more than 9 or 10 hours, let alone 12 or 13. But I felt pretty good this morning. I guess being massively productive has its benefits. So I've mostly coasted through this day. Finished up my work for the week at 3, then ran a bunch of errands that I hadn't been able to get to due to all the working this week. I still have lots more. Looks like I'll be getting a break again for a little while, so that should be good. Then it was off to volleyball, then dinner, and now posting (via lynx! heehee) while at Jet and Roy's place.
The last thing I'll mention is that today at VB, I won after losing a bunch with one team, then after reorganizing (after some people left and one new guy showed up) I lost one and then won one. I actually felt a deeper satisfaction from the second win. The new guy played on our team, and we were struggling our first game. But we ended up able to really leverage his advantages while keeping his disadvantages under control, so that he meshed pretty well with the team by the second game - to take it 17-15. The new guy was quite tall and athletic (that goes a long way in the sport, let me tell you), but a little unwieldy with those advantages and he didn't have much experience with the game. I tried to make sure he wasn't discouraged and that frustration didn't become the overriding team emotion - something that if someone doesn't watch out for can easily happen. So with a few additional adjustments, we avoided extreme frustration and got an exciting, tight game to the end - a great bit of fun all in all. Alright, time to get this weekend started... =)
I am tired, but there is much to be happy about. I successfully made it in to my client yesterday morning (let's call them CJ), a little tired but glad to be coming in for an entire day's worth of work. It's been a tad over two months since I last came in, and the last four months overall have been pretty light in terms of hours. It was good to be back in saddle though, so that was the main thing.
Next up, my normal Tuesday lunch with L. which was interesting as usual. I realized a few more differences between us, but thinking back it might be worth reflecting on that a little more... later anyway. Back to CJ, whereupon J. called to verify whether we were meeting up for wings tonight - bonus. See, J. and her SO R. and I typically get wings Tuesday nights (a sort of long-standing tradition) - that is, until they moved to Chicago last month. She had mentioned this possibility earlier as she was headed to Peoria for work-ish reasons this morning, but now it was certain. This also meant she would be staying the night. Excellent.
This is when I hear even more good news. CJ wants to take care of a bunch of things before I might end up taking off (perhaps this last hiatus worried them?), so they expect to have a goodly amount of stuff for me over the next 2-3 months. Music to my ears. Not only that, but they want me to come in every day for the rest of this week because they should have more than enough work for me! Sweet. I won't say I'm poor, or even in financial worry, but I was feeling a little uncomfortable due to a confluence of factors (mostly dwindling reserves and uncertain future). Oodles of high-paying consulting work is a welcome thing.
Oddly enough, this would also be the first time since last November that I would be needing to be somewhere in the morning on a regular basis, let alone at 9am. In any case, after finishing up, I meet up with Roy and surprisingly he agrees to join J. and me for wings. I say surprisingly because I got the impression from previous times we asked him to join us that he wasn't into the whole wings thing (not even enough to just tolerate it so he could enjoy our fine company ;) ). I guess I was wrong. This outing proved to bring out quite a bit about the nature of J.'s relationship with her former roommate J.R., and somewhat in turn also with R. Her recent trip down to Disney World with J. and introspection relative to that served as the fuel. It brought a somewhat significant set of insights into J., who is someone I already know and love very well.
We hung around at Roy and Jet's place for a little while (Jet had yet to make it back home from his Labor Day excursion), before J. and I headed back (separately) to my place. It was closing on midnight when I got back - I knew it was important to get sleep since I'd pretty much be doing the whole 9-5 thing this whole week.
Anyway, after preparing for sleep and tucked in, J. asked me to tell her bedtime stories to which I happily obliged. I consider her a person who understands me fairly well, and it was very rewarding to be able to tell her about all the neat, personally significant stuff that occured to me over this past San Francisco/Korea/Japan/Seattle (bookended in Aurora) trip. It was a fairly rare moment - at least for recent times due to our criss-crossing paths these days - but one that reinforced why I am so fond of her. Eventually we decided sleep was probably a good idea for us both, and thus I forwent the daily update yesterday.
I had to drag my ass out of bed this morning, but overall I was pleased that this wasn't as much of a struggle as I thought it could end up being (especially given recent and rather frequent experience). I only got maybe 6 hours, so sleep deprivation was starting to catch up to me (yeah yeah I know, I'm getting old). But there was something satisfying about it. Work was good, but that's all I really have to say about that for this entry.
I had to call my godparents and tell them I wasn't going to be making it to my weekly dinner with them today. In store today was a BBQ hosted by L. and her SO C. for 1) a graduation celebration for Subbu who just finished his M.S., and 2) a sort of house-warming. I knew Subbu, S., and I were invited, but I didn't find out until I got there that we were the only people invited. So it was a fairly intimate, and very nice gathering. The house was a style I really liked, and the halls, master bedroom, and bathroom that L. had recently painted were quite tasteful colors. After grilling an assortment of chicken, turkey dogs, and burgers, we enjoyed a rather tasty banana cake and, believe it or not, a rousing game of charades! I guess this is a more popular game for adults in India than in these parts, because Subbu demonstrated the existence of some sophisticated conventions that I never recalled learning the last time I ever played (grade school? middle school?). Anyway, it was fun and I got to throw around some witty comments, which is always a nice thing. This was my first opportunity to really get to know C., who was a bit less relaxed in the last setting I met him. Also was glad to spend time with Subbu before he took off, and the more time I spend with S. the more I appreciate his company. It was a remarkably enjoyable event.
Which brings us up to the present. I got out of there around 10:30 and being a stone's throw from Roy and Jet's headed over there (where I am presently as I type this). Of course, all this lack of sleep caught up to me and after a small bit of catching up on scrab, totally conked out. Nice friend I am, eh? =) No big deal though, since Jet was showing Roy Moulin Rouge (and now they're playing Halo together). Anyway, this has been way too long of a post, but definitely a pair of days with notable contents. Hope it wasn't too boring for anyone ;).
One thing I'll note though. This must be what it feels like for people who work 9-5 jobs... always doesn't seem like there's much time to squeeze many activities in, and before you know it you need to go to sleep (plus feeling groggy in mornings and dealing with sleep deprivation, etc)! It gives me renewed appreciation for how much time you really get being an unemployed bum, and the true potential of that state... =). Hah, it strikes me that this observation is entirely consistent with the periods of my life where I had 9-5ish jobs - it just had been so easy to forget. I am thankful for the reminder to use my time wisely when I get it. Now I'd better get to sleep... [01:44]
Well, let's just say I'm a stupid fool. Things started innocently enough. I got back into town earlier this week (around 5am Tuesday to be precise), and have been spending most of this week getting things in order.
I decided to play a session of duplicate (bridge) with Will Thursday afternoon. It had been over 2 months since I'd played last, so I was eager to see how my skills have fared. We did reasonably well considering (3rd in our direction, but only just over a board off top), picked up 0.45 masterpoints, and had fun. Will mentions that he was thinking about going up to play at a sectional in Skokie on Saturday and asked whether I'd want to go. I think about it and say sure.
There's a whole story behind the next 38 hours, but suffice it to say that I get in touch with Jon and we plan to play in the KO team event. Will and I set off around 6:15am on Saturday for Skokie, after I stayed up all night beforehand. It was a lot of fun (we ended up taking 3rd, for 1.35 silvers) and we make it back home around 2 in the morning or so. Having gone so long without sleep, I end up conking out until about 5pm Sunday.
Ok, so far this isn't horrible, except I know that I have a 9am appointment with a client (that will probably last most or all of the day) on Tuesday. So I try to adjust my schedule accordingly, but what happens? I end up not getting to sleep until Monday morning and wake up again guess when? That's right, a little after 5pm. Argh. Now I could blame this on my phone (which decided to crash then believe it or not!), but really I'm just a stupid fool.
The saddest part of this whole thing is that I ended up waking up at around 5pm on Friday too because of driving to and back from Chicago Thursday night for band practice. So I've had three days to make adjustments and somehow I managed to not budge that time 1 iota over that entire time (with the exception of Friday night, which involved no sleep)! Oh well. Tomorrow could get rough.
Anyway though, we'll see how it goes - I'm not too upset really. It'll be good to make some money again. Meanwhile, the bigger concern really is that there's still a lot of weird things that have come up that I need to take care of - and remembering it all is going to be a trick. Time to bust out with the list-making... [00:15]
Well, here's the deal. I've had some sporadic results with using the blog as a vehicle for capturing things I consider relevant or useful. Perhaps amazingly, this is not due to lack of inspiration or anything to post about. In fact, I not only have the opposite problem (an abundance of things to post about), but I think it's actually causing my post dearth. I keep feeling like I need a good chunk of time to devote to a particular topic/entry, so I put it off. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Needless to say, this isn't the first time this sort of thing has caused problems in my life. I was actually hoping the blog would help me in this plight, because it would allow me to capture things, which in turn eases up the mental pressure of having to keep track of everything that I haven't done something about. Voila, better life right? The same reason I started carrying around a notepad and pen with me. This helped remarkably well, but I have fallen out of using it regularly in recent months.
Well, time to get back to the roots. I've decided that I will start posting at least an entry every day (or at least seriously try), regardless of whether I have a subject I'm "ready" to tackle or not. Some entries may suffer from eliding or time constraints or even not being well thought out enough. I accept that, and hopefully it won't make this blog less interesting for the rest of you. I'll still have special "non-daily" posts too, of course.
As always, feedback is appreciated and of course I'll consider any suggestions people make. Hmmm, I wonder if I should attempt a two-blog system like Liz does. Anyway, this (the above, not the 2 blogs - yet anyway) is my plan, and it goes into effect starting today. Enjoy the ride!