Well, I got rejected by these guys today. I wasn’t particularly surprised, given the fact that (contrary to popular belief,) I am NOT an improviser. However, you always still have that moment where your brain goes “Aw, suck!” That’s what my mind is saying right now.
At least there’s 7 Strangers, Season 2, Episode 3 … looming somewhere on the horizon. That means I won’t have to deal with that pesky “free time” thing forever.
Still no phone. Desperately need to get a hold of me? Dial 206.443.3471 and hit 1306 during the message. If I can, I’ll call you back. (Any messages about how funny, pretty, or talented I am would be greatly appreciated at the moment. Thanks.)
freitag funf, yo
Hey! 007! Feel better!
Thank God It’s Friday, y’all. There has been enough wacky weirdness this week to last a LIFETIME. And so, in honor of that, I’m going to resurrect an old Friday Five. Feel free to comment with YOUR answers, since that would make me happy.
1. Who was your first best friend?
Melissa Sons, who lived across the street from me until I was five and my family moved. She was also my best friend in fifth grade, when the fabulous Charleston bus system brought us to the same school again.
2. Who have been some of the most influential people in your life?
Up until the last two years or so, the most influential people were all guys. Among them are Mitch, Ryan, Bill, Ray, Erin, and PWe. My parents are to a certain extent, but mostly because I tried to be different from them. Oh, and Dona Werner Freeman, my college acting/directing teacher, who convinced me that I WASN’T totally crazy for doing this for the rest of my life.
3. Do you usually have one best friend or a lot of close friends?
At the moment, for the first time, I have both. I used to be one of those people that only had a buttload of acquaintances, but I have a pretty fucking amazing posse of close friends in this town right now.
4. Do you believe people of the opposite sex can be best friends and not lovers?
Absolutely. I have had that be the case a great many times in my life. Of course, it’s always nice when you can be both… ;) but it’s definitely not necessary.
5. Have you ever fallen in love with a friend?
Absolutely. Have I ever had my love for a friend come to fruition? No. The people I’ve dated, I’ve dated first and become best friends with later. The friend I loved remained unrequited love, since I never had the balls to do anything about it. I imagine, however, that if it were to happen again, the end result might be different. (I was a very, VERY scared girl in high school. ;)
And what about you?
Called Cingular.
Tried to yell at them.
Was informed that, in fact, they don’t give a fuck … and that if I don’t pay off all of the almost $600 by the end of September, they will shut down my account entirely. I FUCKING. HATE. MONEY.
Hate not being able to get a hold of me? Me too. Apparently, that shit ain’t going to change. Jaegermeister is talking me down from my jumping tower right now. She is nice. Mew.
She says she is “on the case”. She is going to kick their ass and take their name, at which point they will no longer be called “Cingular”, but “AssHat”. (Or, alternately, “Douche cock”.)
Will need serious cheering up this week. For real. Cheerers, you know who you are.
ETA: The fuckers changed my plan. I told them to change PART of my plan but they changed TWO parts of my plan. They are now going to BURN IN HELL.
fuck fuck fuck
Got to work this morning and had the beginning symptoms of a full-on panic attack, right out of the blue. I tried to talk myself out of it for about ten minutes before I started to really freak the fuck out and took one of the 2 remaining clonazepam I’ve been ferreting away for just such an occasion. Fifteen minutes later, I still couldn’t function, and I took the other one. They had better motherfucking work, because I got them from a friend who has the same prescription as me, and I no longer have health insurance, and I don’t know what the fuck I will do if I have another one and no way to deal with it.
Want to know how I am feeling right now? Jaegermeister was kind enough to take the kids and send me on a break for awhile. I thought maybe venting about it would make me feel better, but in fact I think maybe being surrounded by all these people is just making me feel worse. I am Chicken Little, and the fucking sky is falling, and NOBODY BELIEVES ME.
Oh, and my cell phone apparently got turned off this morning, which means my life is fucking perfect.
an anniversary of everything
Happy one-year anniversary to Nenie and Nena, the single most amazing couple I have ever known in my life. Little did I know, nearly ten years ago when Nenie and I met, that not only would I be gaining a brutha from anutha mutha but ALSO a sista from anutha mista. ;) I love the two of you more and more every day, and I can not WAIT until I see you again.
Here are all my pictures from that incredible weekend (in backwards order, apparently. Oops!)…
…and here are some highlights.
Gender-bender outcasts, the groomschica and the brideschico
Few times in my life have I felt so surrounded by warmth and love - although Bill’s wedding came close. Of course, this happened on the way home, and all the love I’d stored up all weekend was going to be necessary in order to get me through the next few days. However, when I remember that week now, I feel very strongly that everything happened in exactly the way that it needed to. If I hadn’t been so full of GOOD, the following BAD would have pretty much killed me. And the BAD, over time, ended up being okay. As a matter of fact, I feel like a damn lucky person to have had Crave in my life all this time. It’s the anniversary of a lot of things this week - a lot of things that made all of us who we are today.
I think we turned out pretty damn great.
One more night of the show. This particular incarnation of 7 Strangers has been so much more emotionally draining than any of the previous ones … and yet, as always, I am so incredibly glad that I’ve been part of this whole experience. Among other things, many of my favorite people in the WORLD are part of this crazy experiment.
Erin is humping my shoulder RIGHT NOW. This just proves my point.
Spent last night having a slumber party with Amanda and Erin, who are two of my most favorite chicas in this whole damn town. We drank and bitched and played video games (by which I mean THEY played video games, and I watched) and had an EEEEXCELLENT time. {Confidential to the boy who offered the panty raid … it was much appreciated, even though we didn’t get the message until too late.}
Life has been pretty bizarre over the last few weeks. When strange shit like this comes along, it always just reminds me of how resilient people are, and how much we can learn from every experience. (Even if the experience seems to blow goats at the time.)
I’m off to get a nose ring that won’t get caught on people’s hair all the damn time. I know, I know, I’m so selfless.
Happy Saturday, y’all. You’re so pretty.
epiphany
You know where drama comes from?
It comes from people thinking that things which are not their business ARE their business. This doesn’t always come from a place of nosiness - sometimes it’s the result of caring, or empathy, or love, or from a misplaced feeling of responsibility.
You know what makes drama go away?
Realizing that you are only responsible for your own actions, interactions, and relationships. I am not personally responsible for the relationships that people I know have with other people that THEY know. I am not responsible for their communication. As much as I like to work myself into a frenzy trying to take care of the people I love, it doesn’t help.
At this point, I have nothing to stress over. The people I know who are having a hard time? I will be there for them the best I can. The people who caused them this pain? I will do my best to forgive them and salvage our friendship. The guilt I’ve been having over something which is really, fundamentally, not my drama? I’ve forgiven myself for my imagined transgressions. All we can do is move forward in as honest and forthcoming a manner as possible.
Thank god for theatre as catharsis! Last night everyone yelled and drank and cried, and I feel just a bit like we collectively woke up reborn.
I am so tired.
Things I am tired of …
* watching friends endure really difficult situations
* feeling that the lives of people I love may be more complicated due to not knowing things that I can most emphatically not share
* feeling like there was a right way and a wrong way to handle a situation, and somehow (even with the best intentions) I still don’t know what the right way would have been
* being stuck in the middle
* feeling even partially culpable for someone else’s suffering
* knowing that somebody who doesn’t deserve it might be getting blamed for aforementioned suffering
* drama, drama, drama
* being ever-so-slightly-sad-for-various-reasons-so-much-of-the-time
* watching someone I love get shit on repeatedly by the same person
* still really, truly liking that person in spite of it - and feeling like a disloyal friend for not HATING the shitter on behalf of the shittee
* not knowing where I stand with people that I care about VERY much, due to all of this hooey
Dear Life of Me and Those I Love,
Please stop being such a drama queen. Please let us all return to the lives we had before, which were (at least relatively) free from tension, cruelty, and unnecessary grief. Please let our actions reflect the purity of our intentions. Please let all of us survive this weekend with as much grace and style as possible … and when the fall comes, please let all of this drama shrivel up with the leaves and blow away. We would appreciate it very much.
Sincerely,
-freesia and friends
P.S. Special lovin’ goes out to Ida Sly for the moral support and half-a-no-bake-cookie yesterday. I (heart) you, pickle. Thanks for reminding me that I am not a terrible person.
OMFG OMFG OMFG! Erin is home!
Erin is home!
Erin is home!
Erin is home!
She got in late last night, and I remember at one point lying in bed, checking the time, and thinking “OMFG Erin is home!” She called me this morning at work, and when I heard the melodious strings of “What’s up” drifting from my phone, I nearly had a heart attack. OHMIGOD. She is picking me up after work and we are going to hang out. Then, she is going to go to her parents’ place over on the WEST SIDE for dinner and I am going to go home and bask in post-Erin glow. (I might need a smoke afterwards.)
stolen from 5ives
Five terrible fake LiveJournal memes
1. If you had to go through my trash and pick one discarded item to represent how you felt about my butt, what would it be?
2. If I were a piece of food caught in your teeth, would you pick me out? What kind of food would I be? Would I be delicious even after I’d been trapped between your molars since lunch?
3. If the two of us were naked in a phone booth and we both had to fart really bad, how would we bring it up? Who would fart first, and would it smell like flowers?
4. If I were a tumor, where would I be on your body? How long would it be before I metastasized to your liver?
5. Please post the compliment you think I would most enjoy hearing about myself. Now, do this every morning.
Pick one! Any one! Or even two! Make up your own question! Hooray! Mostly, post something here to distract me from other things that are going on today. That would be GREAT.
In other news, how can the randomizer on my stereo tell what kind of mood I’m in? Last night, EVERY. FUCKING. SONG. was contemplative and vaguely sad. Aimee Mann followed by Leah Andreone followed by Rilo Kiley followed by Nellie McKay followed by Poe followed by Nat King Cole followed by MORE AIMEE MANN. I damn near threw a party when “Cock Mobster” came on, just because it was something different.
In slightly related news, the first night off from rehearsals always makes me fucking crazy. I know there’s shit I need to do, but I can’t quite bring myself to really do it. I end up sitting around, procrastinating, and bitching about the fact that I have nothing to do. To quote Jaegermeister, it’s “redonculous”.
MEME MADE UP BY ME:
What one song most accurately personifies your mood right at this very moment?
now I’m TEE … TEE BALLING!
Yesterday effing RULED. Here is why.
At about ten a.m., I got picked up by 007, Captain Dashing, and LL Cool Ray. We drove to a baseball field by the Japanese Gardens, where we met up with The Phenomenon, Johah, Jaegermeister and her hubby, Annette, RLove, Joe, Kendra, SDAhrens, Thailore, Pam, the Schempps, and the infamous Cisco (or however you spell it) for a day of TOTAL INSANITY. We were filming GAME DAY for T-Ballin’, a short film about a pro-abstinence church-sponsored adult t-ball league. (It’s even more bizarre than it sounds.)
Without spoiling the sheer, unadulterated FUNNY that was yesterday for those of you who will someday see the resulting footage, let me just say this. I have never gotten so scraped, so sunburned, so hot, so filled with donuts, or had such a good time. Today, my knees are bruised and scraped to SHIT, the skin on the back of my neck is BURNING, and every muscle in my body hurts - but I don’t care. I had such an amazing time swinging and tackling and running and puppy-piling and chasing and slugging and chilling with my friends. You all are the BOMB, and I love you. Yay, Seattle! What an incredible way to spend the day.
(In related news, I will never hear the phrase “fill me with the holy spirit” the same way again. Seriously.)
Afterwards, a group of people who are very dear to me spent the remainder of the day getting drunk and being honest. Now, let me say this - I hate secrets. I understand that often, they exist for kind or selfless reasons. Sometimes they are for the best. However, it still makes me feel … trapped. A little claustrophobic. As of last night, thanks to our imbibing-related patch of bluntness, my life is so much happier. I feel like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders - a weight that made me feel slightly itchy where my relationship with a friend was concerned. I had a lot of wonderful - really MEANINGFUL - conversations with people that I love to death, and I woke up this morning feeling like a million bucks. Thank you - all of you - for being not only great friends but also good sports. You’re amazing, and you are exactly who I need to have in my life right now.