stolen from 5ives
Five terrible fake LiveJournal memes
1. If you had to go through my trash and pick one discarded item to represent how you felt about my butt, what would it be?
2. If I were a piece of food caught in your teeth, would you pick me out? What kind of food would I be? Would I be delicious even after I’d been trapped between your molars since lunch?
3. If the two of us were naked in a phone booth and we both had to fart really bad, how would we bring it up? Who would fart first, and would it smell like flowers?
4. If I were a tumor, where would I be on your body? How long would it be before I metastasized to your liver?
5. Please post the compliment you think I would most enjoy hearing about myself. Now, do this every morning.
Pick one! Any one! Or even two! Make up your own question! Hooray! Mostly, post something here to distract me from other things that are going on today. That would be GREAT.
In other news, how can the randomizer on my stereo tell what kind of mood I’m in? Last night, EVERY. FUCKING. SONG. was contemplative and vaguely sad. Aimee Mann followed by Leah Andreone followed by Rilo Kiley followed by Nellie McKay followed by Poe followed by Nat King Cole followed by MORE AIMEE MANN. I damn near threw a party when “Cock Mobster” came on, just because it was something different.
In slightly related news, the first night off from rehearsals always makes me fucking crazy. I know there’s shit I need to do, but I can’t quite bring myself to really do it. I end up sitting around, procrastinating, and bitching about the fact that I have nothing to do. To quote Jaegermeister, it’s “redonculous”.
MEME MADE UP BY ME:
What one song most accurately personifies your mood right at this very moment?
Apologies that I didn’t see this soon enough to provide you with amusement today - perhaps you’ll be equally as bored tomorrow.
1. A blemished, but otherwise perfectly ripe nectarine.
2A. I’d probably do what I normally do, which is to spend about two hours trying to suck you out from between my teeth, then scrounge through my desk drawer for a paperclip.
2B. Today you would be a tiny piece of gristle from my Communication Breakdown Burger.
2C. Meat is always delicious, no matter how long it’s been stuck between your teeth.
(Is it just me or are these responses slouching into dirty, dirty, double-entendre territory? Or is that the point?)
3A. Assuming that by “naked in a phonebooth” you’re not making some sort of euphemistic reference, then I would probably just say, “Excuse me, but I really have to fart,” then let go.
3B. It would smell vaguely like corn chips.
4. You would probably be right on my liver, so there wouldn’t be any need to travel any further.
5. (Hm, how to do this without sounding like a creepy old man - which I may very well be, but you don’t need to know that. Um, too late).
Ah! If my refrigerator broke and I needed help polishing off the carton of chocolate chocolate-chip ice cream and the half full bottle of vodka in the freezer, you’d be the first person I’d call.
Bonus Question:
This is a toughie. I’m going to go with The Pretenders “Back On The Chain Gang”, since I’m contemplating the notion that I’ll be going back to work full-time in a few more days.