thought for today - Let a smile be the underpants you wear on your head!

Yuki is improvising again. When we are drinking and exhausted, we become really creative. We are evil geniuses.

Would you like a burrito or a flauta?
I know I’ve gotta get outta
here

I just hit my head on the couch
and it makes me say
ouch

Sjet bought me a watermelon tonight. She and Molly were chasing some boys when she called to tell me - but somehow my brain translated that into this fantastical scene wherein Sjet had stolen a watermelon for me and was being chased by the previous owners of said watermelon. It would make a great movie.

Time for a haiku.

Tasty Macallan
added to Snake ‘n’ Bacon’s
Cartoon Cabaret.

I will never see
blimps the same way again, nor
Salvador Dali.

Ali G scares me.
I had to hide while he talked
smack to Newt Gingrich.

I’m four inches tall!
or I’m yesterday’s pickle!
I should go to sleep.

Smoke and a pancake?
Pipe and a crepe? Or how ‘bout
a bong and a blintz?

It’s not smart to read
Existential cartoons while
in this state of mind.

Goddamn Sex Blimp!

I am at Yukino’s right now, and we’ve been watching Margaret Cho on DVD. Yes, I know this is an incredible surprise to all of you. Right.

We are watching SNL on Tivo. Queen Latifah is hosting, and there is a sketch involving black people and white people fighting over a ham in a grocery store. A long-haired hippie-looking grocery store worker sings a song that goes something like … “Give up the ham, let the ham go and Give up the ham. Give up the ham, peace and unity, Give up the ham. All right! Give up the ham, brother loving brother, Give up the ham.” We reach the end, and Yuki says

“I could have written a better sketch than that … with my ASS.”

Wow. Thanks, hackers!

Holy crap, has a lot of stuff happened since I have been blogless. And now, for your viewing pleasure, a list of stuff that’s happened since then. I would have gone into significantly greater detail, but I don’t have the time (or net access) now to really give these little gems their due.

JOB-RELATED THINGS

1. I got the dream job.

2. I gave my two weeks’ notice.

3. Last Thursday was my LAST DAY AT YE OLDE CHILDREN’S THEATRE!

4. My coworkers took me out for happy hour.

5. I showed up to rehearsal that night drunk.

6. I start work at “the J” on Monday morning.

7. I get to use their weight room, swimming pool, racquetball court, hot tub, and sauna. Free. (Whenever I feel like driving to Mercer Island.)

SHOW-RELATED THINGS

8. Rehearsals for 7 Strangers have been going smashingly well. The show is going to rule so much more than I’d even anticipated would be possible.

9. Amandalee and Corey Q. are our new castmates, and they are fantastic.

10. Everyone who loves me, knows me, or has ever met me needs to go to this show, whether we are currently on speaking terms or not. You owe it to yourself. We run Th-Sat, opening May 1 and closing May 17. Seriously, you have no excuse not to go.

11. Remember the costume I bought for the show last year? It’s been upgraded in a major way. Ask Ida or Pwe about the miniskirt and the fishnets and the boots. As for the crowning glory, I just bought it - a ripped-looking mesh shirt. I will burn your fucking eyes out, and you will love it.

FRIEND-RELATED THINGS

12. Something unfortunate happened a couple of weeks ago. Someone did something they shouldn’t have done. They should have known better. I won’t go into details, because I don’t want to stoop to this person’s level by posting about it online in front of everyone, but needless to say it’s probably for the best that I didn’t have blog access that day. I would have regretted it.

13. I called my friend Max while he was doing his radio show the other day. I haven’t talked to this boy in almost three years. The conversation proceeded as follows:

Me: Hello, is this {College Radio Station Call Letters}?
Mark: Yeah, it is.
Me: Is this Max?
Mark: No, this is Mark. I’ll get him.
(brief pause)
Max: Hello?
Me: Hi. I want to make a request. But first, I need to ask you a very important question.
Max: Okay…
Me: Are you still as hot as you were in 2000?
Max: Um, what?
Me: Are you still as hot as you were in 2000? See, ‘cause here’s the thing. If I’m going to be flying hundreds and hundreds of miles to see you, I want to make damn sure that you’re still as foxy as you used to be. Y’know, that you didn’t get all ugly and gross since then. ‘Cause, I mean, seriously. You were pretty hot.
Max: Who is this?
Me: It’s Freesia, you dork! What’s up?
Max: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! You guys, it’s Freesia! Jesus Christ, hot stuff, how the hell are you?

We proceeded to have a long and ridiculous conversation, none of which (hopefully) made it on the air. He starred in my senior directing project, and he is doing HIS senior directing project the same weekend I am going to be in MN for the wedding. I’m going to get to see Ernie and maybe Sarah and my date to the wedding is going to be Townie and I am so excited about the whole thing that I can hardly stand it. Watch out, Northfield. Mama’s coming home.

14. Sarah Rudinoff’s show at Re-Bar is brilliant. Seriously, go see it. You will hate yourself later if you don’t. While at her opening night party, her mother thought Pwe and I were a couple. Her grandmother loved my fishnets so much that she kept asking me where she could go to get some. I told her that I’d found them at (yes, I admit it) Hot Topic. Grandma says “Well, I’m never going to remember that. How about I write it on my tits? HOT TOPICS. ‘Cause, you know, that’s what they are.”

BODY PART-RELATED THINGS

15. Finally got my tongue pierced. I’ve been wanting to do it for almost six years, but for certain reasons I never did. Now those reasons are out of the picture and it looks hot, if I do say so myself. Ida’s comment was that it was kind of amazing that I’d never had one before.

16. Pants size now half of what it was just over a year ago.

17. Fat Boys are officially in full effect. Hoods up, world. We’re coming for you.

Okay, that’s all I have to say about that. Just for future reference, once I’m at my new job I won’t have net access very much anymore. So, if I’m not posting or responding to emails, it’s not for lack of love. Promise.

aaaaand go.

I was wondering how long it would take for this to come out.

Part of last weekend was so awful it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I don’t know whether I’ll post about that. As a result, I ditched out on several things. Jet was here, and I didn’t get to see him. Also, Ernie has called me probably four times since friday, and I have not yet gotten back to him. (This extra-special sucks because I really need to hear a certain story from him.) On the upside, I got to hang out with Ryan and Yuki and Trevor the College Friend and his lovely girlfriend Norma. Trevor even won the Wild Turkey Cufflinks at STB, that lucky boy. Amandalee and PWe and I are doing a cleanse, again. You know how much fun that is … of course, it gets easier every time.

I’m going in an hour or so to talk to the people at the snow-kids job. Wish me luck…

walking the plank

Madeleine just got laid off, and nobody thought to tell Morningboss or me. I talked to her this morning, and she was absolutely horrified that some of us just hadn’t been told. She is seriously on the brink of just breaking down, and I can’t blame her. God Bless the Holy Ship. This had better fucking be worth it.

deus ex machina

I had my second interview today at a childcare center near my house. I desperately want to work there. From the moment I stepped foot in the building last week, it just felt right. The people are all young and fun and passionnate, the facility is bright and cheerful and evocative, the kids are intelligent and articulate, it’s perfect. It almost seemed too good to be true. (See 1B.) Of course, we still haven’t talked about pay rate, so that may still turn out to be the case. We’ll see.

For my “second interview”, I am told to bring in a project to do with the kidlets - preferably about half an hour, max. I decide to do a story drama type lesson revolving around the book “Froggy Gets Dressed”, which was suggested to me by Ida. (They’re doing a unit on Passover right now - and they’re discussing the plagues. I chose to deal with the rain of frogs one, since it lends itself more easily to curriculum for 3-4 year olds than some of the other ones.) In this book, a little frog wakes up in the middle of the winter. He wants to go play in the snow - his mom tells him that frogs are supposed to sleep through the winter, but he doesn’t care. He puts on his hat and boots and off he goes. Oops, but he forgot his pants. He puts them on and goes back outside. Oops, but he forgot his shirt. He puts them on, repeat ad nauseum. Finally, his mom reminds him that he’s forgotten to put on his underwear. By this time, he’s so tired from changing a hundred times that he just goes back to sleep. Sounds simplistic, but there are fun pictures and a lot of repetition, and it’s a great book for kids this age. So, this is the centerpiece of what I do.

First, I come in with a bunch of pieces of yarn. Each kid gets one - they are our scarves. We talk about winter. We talk about snow. I pass around pictures of snow (from MN during Christmas) and we talk about what snow looks like, tastes like, feels like, smells like. We talk about how in Seattle, we pretty much never get snow. Then, I pass around a couple of ice packs - the kids touch them, smell them, talk about what it’s like to feel cold. They pull their little yarn scarves around their little necks, and we read the book. Every time Froggy’s mom yells “Froooooogggyyyy!!!”, they all say it too. (It is freaking adorable.) I want to do some more role-playing type stuff, but by this point I am running out of time.

Then, I pull out the piece de resistance - I’ve made them all frog coloring books. Each one has a hole punched in the corner (with a hole-reinforcer-thingy) that has a brad through it. I take out the brad and use their scarf to tie the pages together. They are thrilled, and run off to color. I am congratulating myself on how well it went - the head of the center says it’s great, the woman who would be my co-teacher seems happy, I am feeling pretty good. We all go into the common area to play on the jungle-gym-stuff when I hear a gasp from the teacher. I hear “Everybody! Everybody! Come in here right now and look at this!” She is frantically waving the kids toward the window, all of the other teachers herd their kids in, and I bring up the rear. I look out at the street …

and it is snowing.

My jaw drops. For a moment, I forget to breathe. The assistant director glances over at me, and I manage to pull myself together enough to say “This is part of my project.” It turns out, of course, that it’s actually more akin to hail than snow, but it doesn’t matter. It’s good enough.

Before I leave, I am invited on two play dates. A little girl I’ve known half an hour snuggles up on my lap to hear the story of our friend Froggy a second time. I have a half-hour long heart-to-heart with the woman I would be co-teaching with. I call my mother, and she says “There are no coincidences, Freesia.” For the first time in many months, I am inclined to agree.

singing songs to me beneath the marquee

Come to Spin the Bottle on Friday at 11:00 pm at Velocity Studio in Oddfellows Hall in Capitol Hill. You’ll love it, I promise. Here’s what happened at last April’s STB. (Anybody else noticing the Ivory Smith motif in my blog this week?)

oh, my bad

Excerpt from an email I just received this morning …

From: “Trevor The College Friend”
To: freesia’s email
Subject: Big fat hairy wanker, eh?
Date: Tue, 01 Apr 2003 17:35:00 -0800

Ahem.

Well, if that’s how you feel…I mean, damn, you didn’t even mention in your blog about how I totally made your weekend on Sat. by talking to you, not to mention your failure to lick my ear!

Okay, he has a point. On Saturday, as Greg and Brooke and I were heading to the monsterloft, we walked by a crowded club and I heard someone shouting my name. (This does not happen nearly often enough.) I turned to look, and what to my wondering eyes should appear but a Trevor, whom I hadn’t seen in … three? four years? It was sweet, and for a brief shining moment I was totally speechless. (Y’all know how often that happens.)

Also, a long time ago I asked Pat The College Friend to lick Trevor’s ear for me, and he refused. He said I had to do it myself. Put under pressure, of course I forgot to do it - but I was ALL READY on Monday night. Oh well. There were plenty of drunk Irish Ears for me to lick instead.

And Pat? Well, sometimes he just doesn’t show. We still don’t know why. We suspect it has something to do with the farm animals he keeps in his basement, but we don’t ask. I think you can understand why.

This part is funny because it’s true.

for posterity’s sake

Here’s the infamous letter, edited a bit to protect the innocent.

Ahem.

Morningboss,

I need to talk to you about a couple of things. First of all, a brief update on the last few weeks, since we didn’t really get to chat in detail this morning. To be completely honest, I had a much harder time while you were gone than I expected. I realized that there is just no way 10-12 hours of work can fit into a four hour slot. I tried as hard as I could to get things done - I came in early sometimes, I stayed late sometimes, I worked through lunch every single day. GreatBigTopBoss refused to let me take overtime, so I was sent volunteers to help out. By the time I’d gotten them trained in for whatever they were doing (with the exception of Ida), it would almost have been quicker to do it myself - on top of which I lost control of a lot of the things that came through the office. Teachers were getting frustrated about how long it was taking to get back to them, and they were taking it out on me. Some of the less polite ones got a hold of FussyQueenReceptionist, which meant that he was sniping at me too. FiveMinuteMan was frustrated because I was no longer helping out downstairs and that was stressing HIM out. There were a lot of people who were unhappy, and I felt like I was bearing the brunt of it. There was just nothing more that I could do, with the exception of working a lot of unpaid hours, and I wasn’t willing to do that. (The fact that it’s the busiest time of the year in Afternoonboss’s office as well didn’t really help the situation.) I know this is just how it goes, and when all is said and done it was okay. You more than just about anyone deserve a nice long vacation, and because of the budget constraints I can understand why corners were cut the way they were. In any case, I just want you to know that I worked my tail off the last few weeks, and that the pile of left-over work to do is pretty miniscule compared with what MarketingDirector and BoardMember and MarketingMaven and ConcessionsPixie and BoxOfficeGirl and Ida and I tackled in your absence. My original plan was to work last weekend and try to catch up on whatever I could, but when I came in yesterday I was so burnt out that I was pretty useless, so I went back home.

In any case, I had a lot of time to think during that time. I am sorry to send you this on your first day back - but I am afraid if I wait any longer someone else will tell you, and I want it to come from me. Also, I am sending you an email because if I try to tell you in person I will probably cry, which will make me NOT very helpful to Afternoonboss for the rest of the afternoon (as we both know from the last time we had this type of conversation). I have been looking for a new job ever since the day you told me that you didn’t think I was a good person for this one. My opinions on how well suited I am to this position completely aside, I didn’t want to work in an environment where I felt like my supervisor didn’t think I was good at what I do. I know you are a softie just like me, so I’m sure you can probably understand how difficult that feeling is. Even when I was trying to prove you wrong, I always felt defeated. No matter how hard I worked or what I did, I felt like it was not enough, and I knew I didn’t want to continue that way. I am certainly not trying to lay blame - I just believe that you and I are not very well suited to working together, no matter how much I might like you as a person. We are both passionate and opinionated, but we are both also very sensitive, and I don’t think that’s a positive or productive combination for a work environment. Around this same time, Afternoonboss and I had a long conversation. She was actually the one who brought it up - she said that she knew what I was doing didn’t come easily to me. She knew I was working hard, and she respected the fact that I was going to stick out the 12-18 month commitment I’d promised ExBigBoss when I was hired. However, she could also tell that I was unhappy. She essentially gave me permission to start looking for a job that would tie in to my future career. Something I would love. So, after having both of those experiences, I started researching and applying for teaching jobs - and have been offered a couple in the last few months. For one reason or another, I turned them down - with the exception of the Summer Camps with the Drama School. I will be teaching little kids with Riotous all summer, so as of the beginning of the first/second week in June I will be resigning my position as MorningJobName and AfternoonJobName. If I should be offered a full-time (non-seasonal) position before then, that date is subject to change - and just for clarity’s sake, I have no intent to leave without adequate notice. FriendWhoUsedToHaveThisJob knows that I’ve been trying to find something else, and she has expressed interest in being MorningJobName again, if she was allowed to bring CuteBebe with her to work. I wanted you to know as soon as possible, but everything was a little discombobulated this morning and it never seemed like the “right time”. I suppose there is never really a “right time” for this sort of thing, so here it is.

Please let me know what you think - and I will talk to you tomorrow morning.

Thanks,

-Freesia

To my surprise, here was her response.

Freesia - First of all, I want you to know that I’m not upset with you at all about your email. I’m not even really surprised. I also want you to know that I VERY much appreciate the hard work you did while I was gone and I’m very sorry that people gave you a hard time. I’m so used to being given a hard time by so many people most of the time that it just rolls off my back anymore.

There was only one sentence in your email that did make me feel very bad. When you said that I had told you that you’re “not a good person for this job”. I remember that conversation very well and the fact that you came away from it feeling that way makes me very sad. I know that my intention in the conversation was to talk about people being better suited for different kinds of jobs - but I never intended you to feel like I don’t think you’re a good person.

We can talk more tomorrow.

Morningboss

I thought that was very nice. Things have been really laid-back and friendly and normal all morning. I was so nervous … and apparently, I didn’t need to be.

On an unrelated note, I went to The Irish Emigrant last night to meet up with some college friends for PubQuiz. They, the big fat hairy wankers, did not show up. Luckily for me, Ethan and Mike - people I know through EXITheatre - were there, and they convinced me to stay and play with them. I had a GREAT time, but then of course I got home late and was exhausted, so crawling out of bed was pretty terrible this morning. I am having lunch with the inimitable AmandaLee, so that will be good too.

Yesterday was just a quittin’ sort of day for me. I also finally sent out the long-feared email to the Annex staff and officers saying that I can’t be secretary anymore. It made me really sad, because I love being a company member, and I love being an officer. It’s just pretty darn impossible to both be doing a birthday party and taking meeting minutes at the same time. It just doesn’t work like that. FatPretzel sent me a really lovely email this morning saying that they were sad but everyone understood. I kind of fell into Annex by accident, and it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me after moving here. I guess I’ll just have to settle for being a plain old company member now. Sigh.

Oh, and one more thing. Would you like to see a sexy Jorgensen perform? How about a LeFebvre? I was going to go to this because I adore Ivory Smith, but once I realized people I KNOW are in it, then I really think I have to go. Click HERE to check it out, and then come along!