L.A. Confidential
Happy Thanksgiving, all!
DAY #1…
So, last night I stayed at work until seven. I wanted to make sure I had EVERYTHING done before morningboss comes back on Monday. I came home and got right to work - I’d done most of my packing the night before, so all I had to do was give Piper a bath, clean the bathroom, clean my room, and find all the necessary last-minute things that I was supposed to bring (aforementioned embarassing pictures and such.)
so, I eat dinner and watch the Gilmore Girls episode I taped on Tuesday. I bring Piper in, I give her the quickest bath known to man, I start blowing her dry. (Shelties are fluffy and need a good blow-out now and again, dontcha know.) I’m drying the hair behind one ear and the brush gets stuck. I say to myself, “Self, what is this? Did she get into something sticky?” I peek around to see what it is.
I find a half-dollar size patch of raw flesh where skin used to be. The skin is just hanging there, all the hair still attached.
This is when I freak out.
I run into the womb, saying “Um, Heather? Would you look at this?” I have a piece of Piper’s skin stuck to my hand. This grosses me out. Heather kindly looks up an emergency vet in the phone book while I hold Piper to keep her from running around and making it worse. I rush her down to the clinic on Stone Way and 41st… where I sit and wait. And wait. And wait. Part of the deal at this clinic is that the more serious patients get treated first, which is only logical. Piper is shaking, because she’s still wet and it’s Seattle in November. While we wait, we see…
A cat whose back left leg has suddenly gone floppy and useless
A lab with internal bleeding (who ends up getting a $1300 ultrasound)
A chihuahua who’s just been neutered and suddenly is afraid of all people
and (my favorite)
A chinchilla who’s just had a seizure.
Finally, after sitting around for an hour and a half, the doctor takes Piper into the back, where I cannot follow. She comes out later and says “Okay. We’ve shaved the area and irrigated it, and I’m going to put in six sutures.” An hour later, I have a partially bald, stitched up dog, two different types of drugs, and an invoice for $156 in my hands. By the time I get home, it is after midnight.
I pack and clean as much as possible, give Heather and Patti directions about enabling Pi’s new drug habit, lay out my clothes for the next day, shower, crawl into bed. It is now sometime after 2:00 in the morning. Of course, I can’t sleep, because I’m so riled up from the evening’s adventures.
Approximately two hours later, my alarm clock goes off. I crawl out of bed and into the clothes next to my bed. I look for the journal that Mitch and I used to send back and forth. I can’t find it. Patti and I crawl into my car at 5:15 … and I realize I’m out of gas. FUCK.
One tank of gas, two coffees, one gas-station sausageeggandcheese muffin and twenty minutes later, we are actually on the road. I find myself driving nearly 80 and not paying much attention to the Botz Dotz. We make it to SeaTac at about a quarter to six, where I promptly piss off the guy who checks my bag because I don’t have any cash to tip him. I go to the North terminal and wander into the bathroom to apply the face that I forgot to apply before leaving home. Because of this, I nearly miss my flight, and I am mocked by all the check-in people because I don’t know how to do my stupid E-Ticket.
At about seven, I am finally on the plane. I find myself surrounded by the Bermuda Triangle of babies… one across the aisle and a row in front of me, one right next to me, and one across the aisle and a row behind me. At one point, they begin crying in harmony. I have had about an hour of sleep, and I say to myself, “Self, welcome to hell.”
Thankfully, the little bastards shut up after awhile. I go to sleep - and wake up two and a half hours later with a stiff neck, an inexplicable asscramp, and the sinking feeling that the clothes that weren’t quite warm enough for me when I left are going to be way too warm for me now that I’m in L.A. (Also, there was a really cute boy right in front of me who looked vaguely like Chris Kattan and who kept crashing into me. That was nice.)
Now, Mitch has warned me that he will be waiting for me at baggage claim with Kim - possibly wearing a “very large hat”. I start heading out the door, and I see someone wander in wearing a huge Kermit the Frog head. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed him until we were together again. Kim is, of course, adorable and very nice — so let me reiterate, there will be no chasing in Diaper Vans! I’m sorry if I’m disappointing anyone. Her dog is also very cute. The two of them are obviously very well suited for each other, and seem very comfortable with each other. This is good enough for me - that’s all I really wanted for this trip was to reassure myself that he was happy and with someone who was treating him well. You will notice that her webpage is now listed in my links!
Okay. Lots of eating and movie watching. I have ceased to care enough about writing this to add any detail. Also here we have: Kim’s brother Jordan, Mitch’s cousin Kathy and her friend Matt, Theresa and her husband Andy, a guy named “Ace” (whom I haven’t officially met yet), and a guy named Shaun (who writes for Alias. Amazing!) Lots of food. Two turkeys, a ham, my failed attempt at Green Bean Casserole (I needed a nap, so I kinda fucked it up by just leaving it to go sleep for a couple of hours.) We watched George Lucas in Love, Shakespeare in Love (which I slept through), the South Park Movie, that series of weird little cartoons which includes the “My anus is bleeding! Yaaaayyyy!!!”, and some Bond. James Bond. Lots of eating. Oh, yeah - and pumpkin cheesecake. I am currently ready to explode.
I’m getting yelled at right now for being anti-social, so I guess it’s back to the fold I go. Day 1 - as my friend Super Rocket Monkey would say, “Victory!” Hopefully I’ll be more awake for Day #2.
bring out your dead!
Inspired by Molly and Sashafoo, I’ve decided that it’s time for a poll. (To keep this entry on top, I’m going to put all of my remaining blog-thoughts for the weekend under the MORE… section, so keep checking back!)
The subject has come up recently of strangers reading your blog. Some people get the “heebie jeebies” about it, some people prefer it, and some people anonymize their blogs to the point of uselessness to avoid having to deal with it. Now, as those of you who know me probably realize - I don’t really have any shame. Things I’ve done, things I’ve said, whatever - I don’t like hiding things and am generally much more comfortable telling you the disgusting details of my life than you are actually hearing them.
As such, my take on strangers reading my blog is this: Come on in! But for the sake of my own raging curiosity, please tell me a bit about yourself. Come to think of it, that’s my take on friends reading my blog as well! I’ve been watching this debate rage on, and that curiosity has gotten the better of me. I’ve decided to take a poll.
1. What is your name? (If you’re one of those web-anonymous types, that’s cool. Just give me whatever name you choose to use when online.)
2. Do you know me? Do I know you?
3. If you know me, how did we meet? (In case I forgot.)
or
If you don’t know me, how did you find this page?
4. Do you have a web presence? Wouldn’t you like to tell me where it is?
5. Why do you read here? What makes you care enough to come back?
What John William Waterhouse Painting Are You?
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oh yeah, mr. smartypants?
A brief appeal to my incredibly intelligent friends:
Is there any way that I can change the MT coding so that when I go into one of my monthly archive pages, you can see the comments? (Whoa. Hello, terrible grammar!)
everything but the kitchen sink
again, a packing list. This time, I’m calling it
{how much turkey is too much?}
Camera
Film
Recipe for Green Bean Casserole
Journal that Mitch and I used to send back and forth
embarassing old pictures of us in high school
Carrying case with shampoo/lotion/soap/toothbrush/toothpaste/brush
Makeup bag
Shoes that will work for hiking
3 days worth of clothes
Dress-up outfit for going out on the town
Swimsuit (or so I’ve been told)
Baseball cap (hat = shower)
Seattle Souvenirs
Sunglasses (god, where are they?)
Pictures of random stuff to show M
Fatpants for after Thanksgiving dinner
Treats for Kim’s dog
Um. Can you think of anything else?
ecstasy, you and me and leslie
Look, pictures from my show! The formatting is a little odd, since I “borrowed” them from a Kodak online show-your-pictures-to-your-friends setup. Thank you, Heather! (We’re so pretty.)
i hear this and think of you
Guess what’s on the radio right now…
All we have to do now
Is take these lies
and make them true, somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don’t belong to you
and you don’t belong to me
(i love saturday)
God, what a crazy weekend.
So, 7 Strangers is closed. We were sold out Thursday, Friday, and Saturday - and we couldn’t have asked for a better closing weekend. We had some weird funky stuff going on during opening weekend, but not this time. The Stranger’s idiot review aside, we couldn’t have felt better about how the show went - especially the last performance. The house was packed, the crowd was rambunctious and really into what we were doing, and we had the time to go through all our rituals before the show started.
Taryn and Rich were the nice people whose house we were using, and we got them a dartboard - conveniently enough for us, Taryn had a “house wish list” up on the fridge that already had six or seven things crossed off. We looked at the ones that were left, decided what we could afford - and they loved it. (Mike gave me a toe-ring with a skull on it. Hee hee.) I also got Taryn a card with a Satan-cat on it, since Vinny (their cat) “acted” with us.
After we were done, we went over to Eli’s to party. I witnessed a chess game through “Arm-Pit-O-Vision”, a friend of a friend (whom I’ve only met twice) told me that he’s got a crush on me, I got to snuggle with one of the most beautiful gay men on earth, I got to snuggle with a cute girl I’d never met before … it was a long, LONG evening, but it was so good. I didn’t get home until four in the morning.
At the party, Mike read my palm. Apparently I’m either going to live a long, long life, or a relatively short one. (It could go either way.) Something is “fucked up” about my head line, but he didn’t know what that was. I’m going to have one child. I’m very lucky in my life. And, my favorite part - I have a “fame diamond”. (I’m going to live forever. I’m going to learn how to fly.)
After driving Laura and Ray home, I went home and crawled into my little bed. Sunday was the first day in several months where I didn’t have to wake up early for SOMETHING, so I decided to just sleep until I woke up - which ended up being three in the afternoon. I got up, made a big pot of sushi rice and a bowl of miso, watched some VH1 special on Madonna, took a shower, played with my dog … and went back to bed at eight. ;) This morning when my alarm went off, I was able to get out of bed without groaning for the first time since I don’t remember when. I wasn’t tired. I didn’t need any coffee. I felt fine. (Do normal people feel like this all the time?)
Anyway, morningboss is gone today, which is why I have some time to write. In three days, I’m going to L.A…. this is going to be a good week.
oh, crappity crap!
Okay. On a less funny note, can any of my tech-smart friends possibly tell me why it is that half the entries that should be on this page are cut off? Anyone?
Bueller?
Bueller?
oh, crap
What with that whole performance thing, I didn’t get to see Will and Grace last night. Did anybody tape it? How much do you love me?
heh. heh, heh.
Got this from my cousin Nicolai …
Conversation between George W. and his National Security Advisor!
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That’s what I want to know.
Condi: That’s what I’m telling you.
George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow’s name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya’ asking me for?
Condi: I’m telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That’s the man’s name.
George: That’s who’s name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the
Middle East.
Condi: That’s correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of
China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don’t want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we
should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get
Chinese food in the Middle East?
bee in my bonnet
Um. So, last night, kinda spur-of-the-moment-like, I bought a plane ticket to L.A. for Thanksgiving.
Would anyone be willing to let out my cute dog for a couple of days? I’d give you my keys! I’d pay you money! I might let you borrow my car!
into the great wide open
So. Opening Night was Last Night. God, was it good. Sometimes you have performances that just don’t feel right, you know? Something is just slightly, itchily, twitchingly off and you can’t quite figure it out? We were golden. It felt like everything we’d done in rehearsal was specifically designed so that we could get to last night and say “Aaaah. That was just how we wanted it to happen.”
Heather (Helen) was really nervous. We are doing various things in the kitchen at the beginning of the show, and our hands were shaking. We were self-medicating with Emergen-C and grape juice, and it wasn’t really helping. Now that I think about it, I wasn’t actually nervous - I mean, that’s one of my weird actor things. I don’t get nevous…. ever. I think I was just REALLY pumped up last night. I was so full of adrenaline that I very nearly burst a blood vessel. Knowing that in a few minutes, you are going to be surrounded by thirty people - who you ARE NOT allowed to look at - and that you’re going to have to stay in character and improvise for an hour and a half while being mere inches from these people you’re not allowed to notice - that does something to the chemical balance in your body. It’s got to.
There’s something odd, too, about the switch from doing this by ourselves to doing it surrounded by invisible people. We (the cast) are used to cracking ourselves up day after day, and that’s fine. It’s natural that WE would think we’re funny. But there’s something really rewarding about making some spur-of-the-moment off-hand comment and having a room packed with people burst out laughing. This experience could not be more different from anything I’ve ever been part of before. It’s been perplexing and surreal and is probably the most fulfilling show I’ve been part of in years. Of course, it’s also really freaking draining and I’ve just been dragging myself along today, but that’s all right.
Special love goes out to Ida and Yuki, who called to wish me a broken limb before the show. Ida even had her OWN opening night to worry about, and I didn’t get the chance to return the bone-breaking wish before her show started. (D’oh. Bad me.) I’m coming to house manage for the Ida/Sjet/Benlau extravaganza on Sunday, and I can’t wait to see it! Woo hoo!
Ever seen “My Best Friend’s Wedding”? I found out about a week ago (okay, almost two weeks ago) that my “Michael” was given approval from his girlfriend’s parents to propose. Apparently they met him, liked him, and told him so. So, any devious ideas are welcome - I’ve got to start plotting right away! (I’m kidding, I’m kidding… I’m really happy for him. And honestly, I don’t see myself stealing a bread truck and chasing him down Michigan Avenue… of course, that doesn’t mean I won’t WANT to.)
brief crap respite
Excerpted from an email sent to me today. It’s from my friend who was the lone observer last night for our “final dress” (if you can even call it that.) It made my otherwise crappy-ass day much, much more livable… and look at me, I’m breathing.
Thank you, moonbeam.
… I just wanted to thank you for letting me spy on you last night. I thoroughly enjoyed the show and have already recommended it to several people. All of you did a wonderful job and I was pleasantly surprised at how well the format actually worked. I know that I missed things, but there was enough continuity throughout the house that I felt like I got a good “feel” for the story lines. I hope you have an absolutely kick ass run and have fun! Thanks!!!!!
***
when i woke up this morning, i had one nerve left
Obviously I am losing the capacity for rational brain function. Last week, I crashed my Palm Pilot. Like, KILLED it. Flashing error messages and the restart-thing not helping and it not accepting NO as an answer when it kept asking me “Do you want to delete all data?” Haven’t fixed it yet. So. Due to this little foible I have been screwing up all kinds of stuff. Like, I tried to go to the last company meeting at Gilded Lily - when it was actually at Drooping Acres. As a matter of fact, I very nearly forgot about it entirely. (That would not have been good - but as it turned out, CC sent out most of the meeting minutes anyway so it wouldn’t really have mattered.) Then last Saturday I showed up really late for my class - the parents of the kids were wondering why I wasn’t at pick-up/drop-off, I felt like a schmuck. (I’d forgotten that my watch was actually set to the RIGHT time for once, as opposed to being ten minutes fast like it normally is.) Then, today I was supposed to meet with KS during lunch. I mis-remembered it as being after work, so I accidentally stood her up. (For the record, she is one of the most overworked, underappreciated, selfless people I’ve ever met in my life, and I felt like shit about it.) On top of that, my show is opening tonight. My dog is also on the rag, which means she’s freaking out and crapping all over my bed whenever I leave her alone in my room. To remedy this, she stays in her crate all day, but that also means that I have to make a million trips home during the day to let her out to run around, as leaving a dog in a crate all day would just be cruel and I don’t want to do that because I love my dog. I’ve been drinking upwards of five cups of coffee a day to keep myself going, and it’s the “busy season” on both sides of my job, and everything I do involves running and hurrying and hyperventilating and nothing I do to make up for it is ever quite enough and I just want people to settle down and stop being disappointed in me. I’m grinding my teeth and I have heartburn 24 hours a day and I haven’t had the time to do my “weekly house cleaning” in about three weeks and I’m chain-smoking both IN the show and OUT of it and Piper needs a bath and I haven’t written anything on my “novel” since November 1st and I don’t have opening night presents for the cast and my rear-right-blinker still isn’t fixed and my tires are flat and I still haven’t had the time or money or energy to check out what ernie thinks is a problem with my fuel injectors. Oh, did I mention that I feel like I’m about to get sick?
I’m tied up in so many knots that I can hardly breathe. Can I please go home now?
once more, with feeling
Okay, time for a “stew, a gumbo, a jambalaya - if you will!” - of crap. It’s monday, it’s morning, it’s a holiday, and I’m at work. (Bonus points to anyone who can tell me what movie that’s from.)
Which ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’ Character Are You?
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I’ve been doing character research for my show. Also, I found this. I wrote something similar to this during my own goth phase back in college. It’s not the best idea to do something like that at a Minnesotan Lutheran Norwegian College of the Church. At the moment, I have black hair again for the first time since spring of ‘97. I’d forgotten how much I liked it - I’ve had several people say that it’s their favorite color on me yet. It may have to stay for awhile. (The next year, I shaved all of my head except for my long, shaggy bangs. The bangs were burgundy and the leftover fuzz was smurf blue. That was damn cute too - but I don’t think I could really duplicate that while working where I do. Y’know. Kids being easily frightened and all.)
I took this quiz, and I was told:
You have scored zero points, out of a range from -50 (100% Gothic) to 55 (100% Punk).
Goth-Punk. You have an even balance of goth and punk characteristics. You hopefully have the good qualities of each, rather than the bad side of each.
I’d also like to introduce everyone to my new boyfriend. Brooke and I saw this on opening night - I haven’t been so excited about a movie in a really freaking long time. It was everything I wanted it to be - even if you don’t like Eminem, go see this movie. Seriously. It’s better than you think. (You may not fall in love, but that’s fine, because he’s mine anyway.) Luckily for me, Brooke and I didn’t have to fight over him. She gave him up when she lay eyes on this boy for the first time. Of course, I’d already seen him in another movie, so I knew what was coming.
brief clarification
Oops - I guess I wasn’t very clear. Let’s try again… the Yahoo! Personals page that I linked to yesterday is actually Slothboy’s real personals page. It’s not the result of my twisted imagination. It is his honest-to-god page that he created himself, and I thought it was hilarious so I decided to share it. Enjoy!
omfg.
You remember my stories about Slothboy? The unbalanced ex-housemate who accidentally almost burned down the Rendezvous? The one with the ugly cat and the moth-collecting job? The one who stiffed me $70 worth of bills? The one who left cat food (and therefore rats) all over our basement? The one who lied about me to my other housemates? I thought you might.
she called it our “consolation prize”
Jaye just sent me this. Hee, hee, hee.
puke-invokingly cute
Nate is starting to send in his digital pictures from last weekend. Hee, hee, hee.
Here is Brooke, drinking her margarita from a tippy cup. She couldn’t keep her booze under control the last time she was there, so the waiter brought her a special Brooke-cup. He said “If you finish this, you can have a real one.” Cup tipped waaaay up to the ceiling, she says “It’s hard to get to the alcohol!”
Nate and the Asshole Flag. This is a concept that he and Bill created. You make it and you wave it proudly when you are the loudest, most annoying group of people in a particular public place. It was well-deserved on Halloween, the night this was taken.
Nat. He’s a Samurai. His girlfriend was a Disco Ball. There was something very Jim Belushi about him this particular evening, but we couldn’t seem to put our finger on what it was …
well, hunh.
Your magical style is Dark.
What type of Magic do you work?. Take the Magical Style Quiz by Paradox
what a world, what a world
Well, it might be lame, but I put something up on my main page. Now there’s SOMETHING there, at least.
This weekend was hard. I miss Nate. It was really nice to have him back for awhile, but it was also a really crappy reminder of the fact that I fucking love that guy and he’s not around for me to hang out with anymore. Goddammit. Stupid pirate.
Brooke and I went to see Nate’s kiddies at Arrowhead Elementary do their MCT version of Treasure Island on Sunday. It was hysterical - five year olds in seagull costumes are about the stinking cutest thing I’ve ever seen. We barely made it through the night alive.
I got through 1700 words of my novel on Friday, and haven’t touched it since. I think I’m in trouble. Sonya informed me that if I beat her, she was going to kick my ass. At the rate I’m going, I think my derriere is safe. I’m such a slacker. Only Yuki seems to be doing well at this game - of course, he’s done it before.
And how was your weekend?
stupid novel
I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything all day. Okay, that could be partly because I was vaguely hung over when I woke up this morning, due to much entertaining imbibement with Senor Asshat last night. It could be due to the fact that I’ve been out drinking two nights this week. It could be due to the fact that it was Halloween week. Or that we just hit the supposed “Daylight Savings” time, which now means that it gets dark really freaking early. Or it could be that I want to go home and start writing my craptastic novel. Or it could be that my blood sugar went through the floor because of the good-bye-party-cake-and-champagne or the left-over-from-halloween-trick-or-treating-candy. Whatever it is, my brain is totally toast and has been all afternoon. Our beloved receptionist was so antsy to get out of here that he locked his keys in his desk. HAH!
But first, a little Friday Five. Just for old time’s sake.
1. What size shoe do you wear?
9 1/2, but since nobody ever has them, 10.
2. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
At present, I believe 18 - although it has gone over 30. (I gave away 18 pairs of shoes when I moved in April.)
3. What type of shoe do you prefer (boots, sneakers, pumps, etc.)?
Knee-high inside-zip tall tough badass black leather boots. (In a financial pinch, they don’t have to be leather.) Did you see the ones I had on yesterday? Those would be them. Those boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do - and maybe a little shit-kicking on the side.
4. Describe your favorite pair of shoes. Why are they your favorite?
Well, I sort of just did. Okay, my OTHER favorite shoes are burgundy leather Steve Madden sneakers with beige laces that I got on clearance for $16. They’re comfy AND cute. The boots have the cute, but notsomuch the comfy. The sneaks are the best of both worlds.
5. What’s the most you’ve spent on one pair of shoes?
$85 - but they were on sale for $65 - for a pair of running shoes. I’m actually wearing them at the moment. I was on one of my running kicks - they come frequently and don’t last very long - and I thought they were a great bargain. *snort* Too bad the shoes couldn’t make me LIKE running.
Okay, enough. It’s time for some weekend. See you on the flipside…