L.A. Confidential

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

DAY #1…

So, last night I stayed at work until seven. I wanted to make sure I had EVERYTHING done before morningboss comes back on Monday. I came home and got right to work - I’d done most of my packing the night before, so all I had to do was give Piper a bath, clean the bathroom, clean my room, and find all the necessary last-minute things that I was supposed to bring (aforementioned embarassing pictures and such.)

so, I eat dinner and watch the Gilmore Girls episode I taped on Tuesday. I bring Piper in, I give her the quickest bath known to man, I start blowing her dry. (Shelties are fluffy and need a good blow-out now and again, dontcha know.) I’m drying the hair behind one ear and the brush gets stuck. I say to myself, “Self, what is this? Did she get into something sticky?” I peek around to see what it is.

I find a half-dollar size patch of raw flesh where skin used to be. The skin is just hanging there, all the hair still attached.

This is when I freak out.

I run into the womb, saying “Um, Heather? Would you look at this?” I have a piece of Piper’s skin stuck to my hand. This grosses me out. Heather kindly looks up an emergency vet in the phone book while I hold Piper to keep her from running around and making it worse. I rush her down to the clinic on Stone Way and 41st… where I sit and wait. And wait. And wait. Part of the deal at this clinic is that the more serious patients get treated first, which is only logical. Piper is shaking, because she’s still wet and it’s Seattle in November. While we wait, we see…

A cat whose back left leg has suddenly gone floppy and useless
A lab with internal bleeding (who ends up getting a $1300 ultrasound)
A chihuahua who’s just been neutered and suddenly is afraid of all people
and (my favorite)
A chinchilla who’s just had a seizure.

Finally, after sitting around for an hour and a half, the doctor takes Piper into the back, where I cannot follow. She comes out later and says “Okay. We’ve shaved the area and irrigated it, and I’m going to put in six sutures.” An hour later, I have a partially bald, stitched up dog, two different types of drugs, and an invoice for $156 in my hands. By the time I get home, it is after midnight.

I pack and clean as much as possible, give Heather and Patti directions about enabling Pi’s new drug habit, lay out my clothes for the next day, shower, crawl into bed. It is now sometime after 2:00 in the morning. Of course, I can’t sleep, because I’m so riled up from the evening’s adventures.

Approximately two hours later, my alarm clock goes off. I crawl out of bed and into the clothes next to my bed. I look for the journal that Mitch and I used to send back and forth. I can’t find it. Patti and I crawl into my car at 5:15 … and I realize I’m out of gas. FUCK.

One tank of gas, two coffees, one gas-station sausageeggandcheese muffin and twenty minutes later, we are actually on the road. I find myself driving nearly 80 and not paying much attention to the Botz Dotz. We make it to SeaTac at about a quarter to six, where I promptly piss off the guy who checks my bag because I don’t have any cash to tip him. I go to the North terminal and wander into the bathroom to apply the face that I forgot to apply before leaving home. Because of this, I nearly miss my flight, and I am mocked by all the check-in people because I don’t know how to do my stupid E-Ticket.

At about seven, I am finally on the plane. I find myself surrounded by the Bermuda Triangle of babies… one across the aisle and a row in front of me, one right next to me, and one across the aisle and a row behind me. At one point, they begin crying in harmony. I have had about an hour of sleep, and I say to myself, “Self, welcome to hell.”

Thankfully, the little bastards shut up after awhile. I go to sleep - and wake up two and a half hours later with a stiff neck, an inexplicable asscramp, and the sinking feeling that the clothes that weren’t quite warm enough for me when I left are going to be way too warm for me now that I’m in L.A. (Also, there was a really cute boy right in front of me who looked vaguely like Chris Kattan and who kept crashing into me. That was nice.)

Now, Mitch has warned me that he will be waiting for me at baggage claim with Kim - possibly wearing a “very large hat”. I start heading out the door, and I see someone wander in wearing a huge Kermit the Frog head. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed him until we were together again. Kim is, of course, adorable and very nice — so let me reiterate, there will be no chasing in Diaper Vans! I’m sorry if I’m disappointing anyone. Her dog is also very cute. The two of them are obviously very well suited for each other, and seem very comfortable with each other. This is good enough for me - that’s all I really wanted for this trip was to reassure myself that he was happy and with someone who was treating him well. You will notice that her webpage is now listed in my links!

Okay. Lots of eating and movie watching. I have ceased to care enough about writing this to add any detail. Also here we have: Kim’s brother Jordan, Mitch’s cousin Kathy and her friend Matt, Theresa and her husband Andy, a guy named “Ace” (whom I haven’t officially met yet), and a guy named Shaun (who writes for Alias. Amazing!) Lots of food. Two turkeys, a ham, my failed attempt at Green Bean Casserole (I needed a nap, so I kinda fucked it up by just leaving it to go sleep for a couple of hours.) We watched George Lucas in Love, Shakespeare in Love (which I slept through), the South Park Movie, that series of weird little cartoons which includes the “My anus is bleeding! Yaaaayyyy!!!”, and some Bond. James Bond. Lots of eating. Oh, yeah - and pumpkin cheesecake. I am currently ready to explode.

I’m getting yelled at right now for being anti-social, so I guess it’s back to the fold I go. Day 1 - as my friend Super Rocket Monkey would say, “Victory!” Hopefully I’ll be more awake for Day #2.