I am NOT moving into
I am NOT moving into the house on 82nd and Wallingford. After temping for TEN MONTHS while holding out for a job I actually wanted, I REFUSE to settle for a house that I don’t really want to live in, especially when I still have two months until my current lease is up. No, no, no. If I’ve come this far in my quest for a life I actually want, I am not going to waste it all by wussing out at the last minute. No. There IS a house out there that has all the things I want. I just have to find it.
Well, I’m back. And shockingly,
Well, I’m back. And shockingly, I feel pretty good. I’ve spent the past week (or two?) in a total “Where the fuck is my life going? I thought I had it all figured out and suddenly I’m lost” haze, but it’s starting to lift, for the love of Jesus. So, to everyone I’ve ignored or blown off (unintentionally, I promise) I apologize. I found myself slipping into one of those “it’s too much effort to go anywhere or do anything or see anyone” phases, where the simple act of dealing with another human being was far more trouble than it was worth - where smiling or small-talking or even making eye contact was a chore. THAT particular feeling hasn’t gone away, but my desire to hide from life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness has. My boss is late today, and I’m strangely thrilled at the opportunity to have our office to myself for awhile. PLUS, I’ve been sick for over TWO WEEKS NOW and the fucking thing won’t seem to go away. Gah. Life has been conspiring against me, my friends. And for that, it needs a good punch in the nose.
I am THRILLED, as well, to see the blog-return of my darling Sarah Rosenzweig, who has also just been through her own personal hell on earth, and who seems to be surviving (and thriving) remarkably down there in sunny San Diego. What tattoo are you getting, darling? You should give me some ideas … I am most definitely nearing time for another tattoo. SOON.. I am finally heading for a momentous enough change in my life to merit one. Let’s brainstorm.
I may be moving into a cutie little house up at 82nd and Wallingford - two blocks from the lake, huge cherry tree in front, yard, dog for Piper to play with. Maybe. Of course, now I’m having HOUSE commitment issues. The people who live there are older (than me, that is), and seem very mature and mellow. This, of course, is both a good thing AND a bad thing. We would never really be pals, we would just be housemates. But, maybe that’s okay. I no longer have any idea what I’m looking for in a house. I am awash in residential confusion … I just want the whole thing to be decided so I can get on to the next part, whatever that is.
Hey, guess what? I have
Hey, guess what? I have two tickets to see the Hubbard Dance Company (from Chicago) this Saturday, the twenty-third, at eight o’clock, at the Paramount! They’re free! Dance is fun! Bill has a show! Would you like to go with me?
Holy Crap. “>Look what I
Holy Crap. Look what I got from Zach this morning.
I love you, James Alexander
I love you, James Alexander “Zach” Zulauf. You kicked my butt (and brain) and bought me alcohol just when I needed it most. Thank you.
Today (despite waking up WAY hung over and dehydrated) was excellent. I gave Piper a bath, blow-dried her so she was all fluffy, and went to West Queen Anne to look at a house I might soon be living in. Mary, who met me there, was so much cuter than I was expecting. She’s 25, a social worker, and really sweet and mellow. We got along REALLY well. The house is quirky and great, with walls painted bright unexpected colors. She has a German Shepherd/Rottweiler mix named Tika, who was shockingly calm, and seemed more puzzled by Piper than anything else. She kept trying to lick her nose, and stared at her with a quizzical look on her face. Piper, for her part, was so carsick that all she did was sit in my lap and try to sleep (and avoid the huge tonguebath). She was a little freaked out about the enormous dog trying to sniff her butt, and snapped at poor Tika a couple of times. Mary and I talked for an hour … just shooting the shit and talking about our lives. She reminds me a lot of Toni, the ex-girlfriend of Bill’s best friend from college. Toni and I, despite really having nothing in common, always got along really well, and I have a similar feeling about Mary. Of course, I don’t really WANT to live in Queen Anne … but I’d rather live with people I really like than live WHERE I really want to live. It’s in a really cute, residential area of Queen Anne that’s right on the QA/Magnolia line, and there is a Fire Station TWO HOUSES AWAY. Fenced-in yard, street parking as far as the eye can see … this all just might work.
More of the same …
More of the same … I took a “Who has the power?” quiz, and here’s the answer I got. Hmm.
Initially, you may have been attracted to your mate’s powerful qualities, but these same attributes can end up breeding resentment. You need to stick up for yourself a bit more. Couples don’t necessarily have to be equal in every aspect of life (although the closer they get to that sense of equality, the happier they tend to be), but mutual respect and support are essential. Try focusing on an area where you sense an imbalance (monthly bill-paying, for instance) and see if there’s room for rejiggering. Trying to create a few small changes can go a long way toward making your relationship feel fairer . and happier.
Holy Crap. Look what I
Holy Crap. Look what I just found online….
What fortuitous timing.
Stop giving more than you get.
By Susan Davis for Lifetime
You’re the perfect girlfriend . or as close as one can get. You send flowers when he’s under the weather and love letters just because. You take him to the airport and pick him up . at rush hour. You whip up his favorite dishes and help him balance his checkbook. You forgive him his slights and sloppy habits . again and again. Now, he’s acting disinterested, distant, even dismissive. Is it something you did?
Well, maybe it’s something you overdid. “Women want to prove that they’re valuable,” says Deborah Burrell, a clinical social worker in New York City. “We’re always trying to show dim-witted men that they’ll be so much happier if they stay with us. Plus, we hope that if we’re nice, if we give a lot, we’ll get as much in return.”
It doesn’t always work that way. As Lifetime Online community member blkpanther admits: “I’m the type of person to give and give, and people walk over me even if they don’t mean to. I’ve learned the hard way that compromising myself into submission does nothing but ruin the relationship. So where do you draw the line? How much should you give before you say, ‘Enough already’?” To help level the love playing field, follow these do’s and don’ts:
* Don’t necessarily do as your mother did. “Our culture still expects women to be the givers,” says Larry Gard, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist in Chicago. “And if you grew up around one-sided relationships, you may not even realize they should be two-sided.” How to tell whether you’re caught in the doormat trap? If, despite the fact that all your giving isn’t working, your impulse is to give some more.
* Don’t blame your guy . entirely. “If you’re a giver by nature, people around you get used to it and learn to expect it,” notes Lifetime community member Tink. Dr. Gard agrees, adding, “A man often won’t leave this kind of one-sided relationship. Instead, he’ll stay and exploit the situation.” Adds Burrell, “When women give a lot, men get lazy. If you say, ‘Hey, I’ll rent the video, pick up the groceries and cook the food,’ he starts to get really comfortable. In the end, though, he might not choose you because he never has to work at . and get invested in . the relationship.”
* Do ask . nicely . for what you want. If you battle over household chores (you do them; he watches TV), try encouraging a gradual transition to domestic equity. “Women often get fed up and say, ‘I’ve been doing everything, so now I’m not going to do anything,’” says Burrell. A better approach: Acknowledge what he does do. “Say something like, ‘I really appreciate it when you go food shopping,’ or ‘Thanks for emptying the garbage.’ Then ask him to do a little more. By asking for a bit at a time, you take back some power.”
* Don’t let resentment ruin your relationship. The danger in giving too much is that you expect an equal amount in return. “When that doesn’t happen, it’s easy to feel resentful, which makes having an openhearted connection difficult,” Burrell says. Ironically, the person on the receiving end of all that giving may wind up feeling resentful, too. It’s no fun always being the bad guy, or feeling obligated to give in return. “The sense of obligation and guilt,” says Gard, “may force him to walk away.”
Woo hoo, another appointment to
Woo hoo, another appointment to go house-looking! This one is in Queen Anne. I’m stoked.
Another funny from the whole house-hunting deal - I emailed good old Paul Gude, because I’d heard through the grapevine that he and his housemates were looking for an extra person. Here is one of the emails I got back from him:
A funny note:
When I was talking to Kristin about Bill, she for some reason thought I was talking about Chris Dietz, and therefore thought you were Stephanie Roberts. This lead to many mis-understandings like:
K: Which one of them is the clown? Isn’t one of them a clown?
P: I don’t think so.
It wasn’t until Kristin finally mentioned going to your garage sale that I figured out what was going on.
Okay, it’s been a total
Okay, it’s been a total bizarro-day. I checked my email this morning, and found an email from Alyssa Barton, an administrative assistant who is currently temping, and who has a pug. We decided, on the phone, that we are living parallel lives, and we were really freaked out by the whole thing. I mean, ALYSSA BARTON, for crying out loud. I find it so funny that I’m still laughing about it, an hour later. Heh.
I now have 3 (three) appointments to look at houses! One in Fremont, one in Greenlake, and one in (gulp) Beacon Hill. (I don’t really want to live there, but she’s really nice, it’s cheap, there’s a yard, yada yada yada.) Maybe I’ll get this figured out after all.
I guess I was a
I guess I was a little cryptic yesterday. I’m not having the easiest time dealing with the idea, so I’m not so hot on being really blunt about it, but at this point I need all the help I can get. So, what I meant was, Billy and I are not going to be living together anymore. I’m moving somewhere with one hunk of puppylove, and he is moving somewhere else with the other one. No more living in sin. No more cohabitation. At least … not for awhile. Anyway, I’d still appreciate any suggestions - if you have a friend of a friend of a friend who has a room opening up in three weeks and they aren’t deathly allergic to dogs, etc etc. Drop me a line!
In a way, it’s sort of comforting. For the last ten months, I’ve spent every waking moment of free time online, checking the classifieds (for jobs). Now that I have a job, it’s nice to still have something productive to do with myself when I don’t have any jobstuff to do. AND, since I’m not working on a show right now, I have PLENTY of time to research and obsess. I mean, it’s actually kind of fun. I’ve lived with at least one roommate since I was thirteen. (As in - one roommate IN THE SAME ROOM.) Having my very own room? Picking out my own food? Decorating as I please? Having total control over when bills get paid? The idea is actually sort of thrilling … since I’ve never done it before. EVER. My one regret - as far as getting into a serious long-term relationship while still in college - was that I would never learn to be REALLY independent, and I would never get to live the rockin’ life of a girl my age out doing shit on her own. Yeah, me. I’m gonna kick some ass. OR, at least, I’m going to make a really good show of it.
Hello again. So, this is
Hello again. So, this is the spring of big changes for Alicia. It looks like I’m maybe going to be looking for a new place to live, come March or April. Do you have any ideas for me? Leave a message if you do. I’m trying to find a place in Fremont, Phinney Ridge, Wallingford, that whole area. Of course, Capitol Hill, Queen Anne, or Ballard would be okay too. I need a REALLY CHEAP place to live, whether it’s an apartment, or a house to share, or whatever. Plus, I need to be able to bring 12 pounds of cute with me. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated.
It’s sure hard to find
It’s sure hard to find time to fuck around online when I have an actual, honest-to-god job that I enjoy. Some things around here are definitely going to change, because it’s time for my annual spring-cleaning, self-reinvention phase. (You all know how that goes.)