doomed to repeat it
Stolen from Sarah, and in honor of my yearly Inseparables ritual, I present to you …
(brought to you by Tryptophan, White Wine, and the letter Q)
01 Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more?
Kept several … already started on the new ones
02 Did anyone close to you give birth?
My coworker Heather gave birth to Kayella about two weeks ago.
03 Did anyone close to you die?
Both the dog I grew up with and the dog I’ve had for the last three years passed away this year.
04 What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
A net worth that’s not in the red by several thousands of dollars.
05 What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
December 4 - the night that I went to let my dog in about thirty seconds too late. That is a phone call I will never forget, no matter how hard I might try.
06 What was your biggest achievement of the year?
There are quite a few this year. Making a good go of the single life. Changing careers. Creating a large piece of permanent art on my body. Losing a shitload of weight. Starting to get things together.
07 What was your biggest failure?
The way I manage my money … either that, or the way I ignore anything resembling housekeeping.
08 Did you suffer illness or injury?
I’ve had either the flu or a cold for a total of probably three months this year - two of which were at a solid stretch this fall.
09 What was the best thing you bought?
My leather jacket, which was stolen from my family’s church this past Sunday. Guess I’m coming back to Seattle sans coat. I hope it’s warm out there …
10 Where did most of your money go?
To quote Sarah’s answer, “Squandered. Am a fuckup when it comes to money.”
11 What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Vacation to Minnesota to stand in ex-roommate’s wedding this past May. It became a massive reunion of all the people who used to be really important to me, and to this day remains my watershed moment for the shift in power between the old Freesia and the new one. I will never have a vacation like that again.
12 What song will always remind you of 2003?
“I know what you want”, Busta Rhymes, and “Baby Boy”, Beyonce and Sean Paul. Both songs, of course, are directly related to … well. I’m sure you can guess.
13 Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? happier
thinner or fatter? thinner
richer or poorer? poorer … I guess 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.
14 What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercising. Checkbook balancing.
15 What do you wish you’d done less of?
Feeling sorry for myself.
16 How will you be spending Christmas?
Just spent it eating a LOT of food and playing with my adorable 18 mo., 2 year, and 3 year old cousins (and cousins-once-removed). Sneaking outside to smoke. Dodging certain older cousins. Lamenting lack of cell phone reception in northern Minnesota.
17 Did you fall in love in 2003?
No, definitely not. I did, however, realize without a doubt that I am ready to - by which I don’t mean that I want to, but rather that I am once again capable. After that point, I have spent a lot of time convincing myself exactly why it would be a bad idea… because on a couple of occasions, the outside possibility has presented itself. This is when I remind myself that self-control and moderation and distance are good things.
18 How many one-night stands?
Ha! I would like to plead the fifth. It should be noted, however, that this was (proportionately speaking) a very good year for me.
19 What was your favorite TV program?
Buffy, God Rest It. Supplanted by Queer Eye, which has since been supplanted by Celebrity Poker.
20 Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No, no hate. I’m trying to get rid of it whenever possible.
21 What was the best book you read?
“Waking the Moon” by Elizabeth Hand, which I’ve read ten times before. It’s STILL better than anything else I read this year.
22 What was your greatest musical discovery?
That I still love techno, even though the last time I’d gone clubbing was circa 2000 or so. Getting to spend some time with crazies who frequent that scene, I’ve been reminded just how much I love to drunkenly dance the night away, and that I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Drum and Bass.
23 What did you want and get?
A great job, some fantastic coworkers, and a deeper appreciation for friends that I already had. Oh, and some pretty choice roles that I really wanted. Can’t forget those …
24 What did you want and not get?
This is a really hard question. Fulfillment? Self-actualization? Rock-hard abs? In the grand scheme of things, I at least partially got everything I really wanted. Somehow, it’s still never enough. Maybe that’s my answer - satisfaction. It sort of covers everything.
25 What was your favorite film of this year?
Kill Bill, I think. God DAMN, that was a great movie.
26 What did you do on your birthday?
On my actual birthday? Went to Sjet’s housewarming party, got drunk, and fell asleep beside Molly on Sjet’s bed. On the day after my birthday? Rayray and I had our giant-ass combined birthday party at the Jade Pagoda, which rocked SO hard that I can hardly express it in words. All in all, we estimate that about 80 people showed up. All I remember is floating from table to table, getting spanked left and right, having drinks randomly appear in my hand … and being ridiculously happy that the people I loved were all in one place and were getting along with each other. It was the best party I have ever had in my entire life, and I will never forget it. Of course, I also have a full roll of blackmail-worthy pictures to make sure that it stays fresh in my memory.
27 How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Slacker-Punk-Goth-ClubKid-Chic. I think I managed to combine my disparate fashion tastes in a more cohesive way this year than in any other year so far.
28 What kept you sane?
The people I love. Scotch and Bourbon and Cigarettes. Throwing myself back on the market with such fervor that I was too full of adrenaline to have time to sulk. Pwe. For most of the year, my dog. Nenie. For the first time ever, my family also makes this list. Yuki.
29 Which celebrity/public figure did you admire the most?
I would like to say a lot of important people, but in reality it’s probably Hot Elf. You’ve gotta go where the kitsch takes you.
30 Who did you miss?
Ryan, most of the year - but I have him back! Mitch, because - right or wrong - I don’t feel as comfortable calling him anymore. Nate, who ran off with the Missoula Circus Theatre … and Bill, of course. After having someone in your immediate presence every day for as long as I did, not having them around leaves a hole. (Whether you want to date them or not.)
32 Who was the best new person you met?
I think DJ* wins this award. I didn’t meet many new people this year, and he was there for me in the best way he could have been while my world momentarily fell apart.
33 Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
Actively trying to live your life without fear or regret makes things infinitely more interesting.
34 Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Everybody loves a thespian
We jump a grade, we make our mark
Everybody loves a champion
And we are larger than life
Brighter than lights
We’re always on
Everybody knows us we’re the wonderful ones
We live too fast and then we die
Everybody loves a legend then
We shoot to last we don’t ask why
Everybody loves Americans
And we are armed to the teeth
High on speed
We’re always on
CHORUS: Everybody knows us we’re the wonderful ones
Making the scene, the kings and
queens of last years prom
Everybody loves us, how about you?
BRIDGE: The ghostly girls who shed their skins
The sunbathed boys, the Hilton twins
The fabulous fucked up us
Well ready or not we’re coming because
The show must go on
The show must go on
The show is on
CHORUS
Everybody knows us, we’re the wonderful ones
Our names on the list we’re hard to resist
We’re so like young
Everybody knows us, we’re the wonderful ones
Nothing’s our fault, we never get caught
Everybody loves us, how about you?
-The Wonderful Ones
Josh Joplin Group
doomed to repeat the same entry …
This is the slowest computer I have ever been on in my life. I can’t use anything with pop-up windows - even when I WANT them - and I can’t delete this entry, but I can post it multiple times! So, I’ll just have to change it to something that isn’t a duplicate. Amazing.
what a surprise …
Look what I just found out.
I scored a 77% on the “How Carleton are you?” Quizie! What about you?
Amazing.
In other news, I am in Illinois. I’ve spent the last two days with Ryan and Casie, and only just had Ryan walk out the door a few minutes ago. On Tuesday we’re heading up to MN and ND, and then hopefully we’ll be back on the 30th. I hope. Plans for New Year’s are still way up in the air … but on the upside, I did get some very exciting gifts. Heh, heh, heh.
What are YOU doing for New Year’s?
that not pie
In honor of this festive occasion, please check this out. Thank you.
oh - oh - jon looks like a lady
I attended the most raucous, insane work holiday party ever last night. What happens when you give a room full of early childhood educators some beer and fried food and a karaoke machine? Complete and utter insanity, that’s what. I couldn’t believe the way that people busted out of their shells - the older russian women, our Chinese matriarch, everybody. I sang so many times that I don’t even remember what I sang anymore. Of course, I DO remember the way the evening started out - Liza, Kristie, (my co-teachers) and I sang “Dancing Queen”. That’s RIGHT. We kicked some karaoke ass.
Today at work, I’ve already been given a dozen roses, a pot of paperwhites, and a helium baloon. I’ve been sung to several times, and my favorite little girl said “Freesia, you are so very beautiful. You are like someone from the movies.” As good a day as it can be so far, considering the way the past week has gone.
{Confidential to D.T.D. … Thanks for the call - I really appreciated it. As for things not being weird or awkward between us, consider this. There is a reason that you were my best friend for four times longer than anybody before you … we get along. That part isn’t going to change. It’s nice to have you in my life now and then.}
an open letter
i’ve got to believe it’s getting better
getting better all the time
Dear friends,
Thank you for all the sweet phone calls and emails the last few days. If I haven’t picked up or called back, it’s just because talking to people about this is hard and I don’t think I can. It doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it, because I do.
I don’t know what I would have done without Pwe, who held my hand and covered my eyes and drove my car and watched over my little girl that whole evening. She was the best friend to me that she could possibly have been. She knew all the right things to say to keep me from completely losing my mind and to help me find some peace, and I won’t forget it.
Love to my fat boys, who brought me a care package that made me cry. There are few things in this world that are not made better by bath salts and chocolate and Cosmo and Fighting Cock, and even fewer things that aren’t made better by the love of some great girlfriends. You are wonderful and I am really glad I have you in my life.
Last but not least, thank you to DJ. I wasn’t going to call him, but Pwe insisted, and he dropped everything to come over and take care of me when I needed him … and I really needed him. He (and his cat, who slept on my stomach several nights this week) watched over me all weekend, and I can’t even really express how much I appreciate it, or what a mess I would have been without him. He is a good boy.
So, here we go to another week. My heart still hurts, but I think you realize at times like this that there are people out there who really care about you, and who will have your back no matter what. It’s been a great reminder of how good a lot of things in my world really are.
it was a dark and stormy night
Last night, at about ten p.m., my dog was hit and killed by a car that didn’t even stop. A very nice man on a bike called my cell phone and stayed with her until Pwe and I could come to get her. Goodbye, Pi. It was nice to have you around.
10/19/2000 - 12/4/2003