those numbers I promised

statistics

third … fourth … fifth …
tenth try’s a charm?

So, I know I’ve said it before… but I am going to quit smoking. I mean it in a way that I haven’t before - now I’ve got some motivation. I have a timeline. The thought of dying young scares me a little … for the first time. I don’t know when my last cigarette was, and because I’d been tapering down for awhile I’m not craving them like I always have in the past when I tried to quit out of the blue. (I guess it helps that I’ve been spending every waking moment with a certain nonsmoker.) SO. I reserve the right to still have a cigarette at a party or to bum one at a bar, but I’m done with the rest of it. I just thought maybe you should know … so the disbelieving jibes can begin. I mean, isn’t that what friends are for?

whaddya know.

April is Irritable Bowel Syndrome Awareness Month! Did you know that? I sure didn’t!

In other news, I am having a sort of low-energy, pseudo-depress-y day. Not for any particular reason, just … because. Of course, when I look at what my day was like a year ago, I don’t have a goddamn thing to complain about! This would be a good day for what my father would call “keeping a stiff upper lip”.

you’ll never know
how slow
the moments go

Had a very necessary Fat Boy confab last night. I really missed my girls, and it was good to have everyone in the same place again. Now, I obviously can’t discuss what went on there in detail, but I will say one thing - I had the hardest time not just running my mouth off to them the whole time about Crave. I want to tell everyone about it, but don’t always feel like I should. In any case, I said a little about it last night, but here is a little more. I haven’t ever been this happy in a relationship in my life. Where before there was emotional abandon with a caveat or two, here there is none. Where before things were almost right, here everything fits. We’ve spent every single day together for the last 35 days, and I have not even for a moment of that time wished I was somewhere else. He makes me feel (makes me feel, makes me feel) retarded. (Retarded!) Maybe you can see the shit-eating grin on my face right through the electronic ether, and maybe that’s okay with me. I just couldn’t NOT say this any longer.

when out of an orange-colored sky
flash! bam! alakazam!

Amazing fucking weekend. I know a lot of my entries have been lists recently, but it’s because for the first time in a LONG time, I have so much wonderful in my life that I actually don’t have time. Not because I’m stressed, although a week ago that was part of it. Not because I’m depressed, because that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Things are rockin’, and the GOING and the DOING are a higher priority than the RECORDING and the EXPLAINING. See?

Friday, Crave was feeling sicky, so I went over to his place after work with Enchiladas and Mango juice. We watched most of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid until I had to go to my show. Then, he met me at the theatre so we could go to Spin the Bottle … and thank god he did, because I got my first flat tire EVER on the way there. I had never learned how to change a tire - stupid, I know - and he did it for me in a pay parking lot. We still made it there JUST in time. I finally got to show him off in person to a lot of the people that I love, including Ida and Yellow Dog (who are sort of a paragon to me of things which are nice and good). He finally got to lay eyes on Sjet and Miss Molly, which is nice since I talk about them all the time… and he was there for the American Premiere of Orange Drink. I don’t even know what to say about that - it made me happy in a part of my little heart that I didn’t previously know existed.

Saturday, I had to go get a new tire. We went to three different places before we found one that wasn’t all sold out of the non-premium tires … and then I was told that my brakes were completely shot and needed to be replaced. Six hundred dollars of financing later, I was on my way out of there with brand spanking new tires and brakes that weren’t rubbing metal on metal. Crave sat through this whole day-long ordeal with me, and while the work was being done we went to Outback and ate lots of fried onion product and drank fancy drinks. Our Saturday night show was the BEST EVER - really big, great house full of laughers. Mostly, though, the part that made it wonderful was that the cast ws all in a fucking-with-each-other kind of mood, and some of the funniest shit I have ever seen happened onstage that night. I literally peed my pants a little, I laughed so hard. (My cheeks still hurt.) After the show, I went with Eween and a friend of hers to karaoke at the good old Peking Palace, where I tried not only “Girl all the bad guys want” but also “No Rain”, and then Eween and I finished off the night with our standard duet version of “What’s Up”, during which our mics went out and we had to finish without them.

Then, there was today. I don’t even know where to start, it was so fucking good. I got up early and went to Crave’s to pick him up, and then we drove onto the ferry to go to Bainbridge Island to hang out for the whole day with his parents and his sister - I’d met his sister before, but not his parents. (For those of you keeping track - yes, Crave and I met in person for the first time less than a month ago.) I got to ride with Crave’s dad on his gorgeous old motorcycle, we all spent a couple of hours walking with the dog along the beach, we ate lots of food, watched tv, looked at the moon, gazed at the Seattle skyline, and just generally had the most fantastic, relaxed, wonderful day that I can remember. I can’t even tell you how much I love his family - I have never felt so instantly, warmly welcomed by people who started the day as strangers. There was not a single moment where I felt uncomfortable or unwelcome or restless or nervous … which was completely unexpected. And, after just a little grilling, Crave told me that apparently they didn’t think I was too awful either. ;) We had a lot of really important conversations today, interspersed with hiding behind doorways and around corners so that his parents wouldn’t catch us covertly kissing like high school kids.

I am completely exhausted right now, but it’s the best kind of tired. Despite the weird shit that I had to deal with, this was one of the best weekends I’ve had in years.

And now I am going to bed.

you gotta keep ‘em separated

(It has been brought to my attention that I should probably clarify - the title of this post refers to cats, as well as my boxes of shit.)

So, I moved.

I don’t know exactly how to describe this past weekend, except to say that it was a combination of a drugged-out nightmare, the before/during/after of a really awful high school pre-finals all-nighter, with a dash of social paranoia and an extreme amount of physical discomfort thrown in for good measure. Another one of those periods in my life that will never seem quite real, because I was too cracked out at the time to ever be able to remember it properly.

Highlights include…

In true “How is this actually possible?” form, Crave managed to save the end of the weekend. I was stressed and cranky and in pain and so exhausted I couldn’t even think straight … and he says “Okay. On Monday night, I am going to come over to your new house with food. We are going to watch movies and eat and drink and relax, and then I am going to tuck you in early, and you are not going to stress about anything.” With the omission of the gorgeous bouquet of baby roses that he brought, that’s pretty much exactly what happened. We ordered pizza from a member of The Divorce, were stared at strangely by a psycho waitress, honed our Pictionary skills a little, bought beer at a gas station … and then I showed him a few of my videos. Clips from 7 Strangers, my monologue from Mass Murder, and then finally I fell asleep on the couch while we were watching 10. It was the perfect way to end what was (at least mostly) an awful weekend.

So, anyway. One quick shout-out to a good friend of mine who had a really shitty weekend too, but for completely different reasons. I love you, sweetheart - and I want to see you. Soon. I promise to remain strictly New Testament the entire time. ;)