fast forward

When Bill and I broke up, I remember asking someone how long it took to be ready to date again. How much time, exactly, do you need to spend before you can let yourself open up like that again? Before you can trust that people aren’t going to forcibly remove your heart from your chest and crush it under their heel?

“Half the length of the relationship,” the friend told me.

“Fuck that!” I responded. “I’m not going to wait two years!”

Guess it turns out that they were right. Exactly two years TO THE DAY after the beginning of the end, I got this message from Crave… I’d been talking to him before, but had lost touch with him for about six months. As Nenie might tell you, I have spent those two years reclaiming the parts of myself that I somehow lost while Bill and I were together. Figuring out how to live my life in a way that was right for ME - not the version of me that I thought people could most easily accept. Re-learning to kick ass and take names.

For some reason, it was like the stars had all aligned to make everything work. I had waited, I had paid my dues, I had done the work, I had figured out how to be true to myself, and things just fell into place. I don’t know how much I can or should say, but I haven’t ever been in a situation like this. I pinch myself every single day because I still can’t really believe the way the whole thing has panned out. Karma or kismet or whatever the hell you call it? I don’t know. But this is really fucking good for me, and I couldn’t NOT tell you. I kind of want to tell everyone I know.

As I told Ida, I’ve found my own Yellow Dog. It’s such a nice feeling to be completely retarded over somebody again … it’s been a long time.