‘til i turn out the light, turn out the light

I fucking hate everybody and everything in the world today. You may have read Sjet’s diatribe on S.A.D., and all of that is also correct. As a companion piece, let me tell you a little story about the last few weeks in my life. Here is a list of things I hate.

1) I fucking hate getting conflicting information
2) I fucking hate it when people really act like they care or are interested and then back off in weird or confusing ways
3) I fucking hate piranha women who won’t leave the person you’re out with alone
4) I fucking hate PEOPLE STEALING MY JACKETS! Once was bad enough, and now twice is starting to feel like I’m being sent a message.
5) I fucking hate not wanting to leave my house
6) I fucking hate not being able to sleep because I am so angry and disappointed that I want to either cry or claw my eyes out and can’t seem to manage either
7) I fucking hate days when smiling hurts, and I know I’m being fake and awful to the people I care about
8) I fucking hate finally dragging myself out to do something and having it end so badly that I don’t feel like leaving my house for another several weeks
9) I fucking hate being at my house at times like this because really, I can’t stand being there but everywhere else just seems like a worse option
10) I fucking hate knowing full well that someone has read a really hard, important email that I sent them and having them NOT FUCKING RESPOND
11) I fucking hate feeling emotionally unbalanced
12) I fucking hate being antisocial and letting people down
13) I fucking hate having things almost go so well that life doesn’t seem quite real and then at the last minute taking a complete nosedive
14) I fucking hate all of this, and all of you, and me, and pretty much everything about my life, even though I really don’t

Dear My Life,

Please stop sucking so hard. Please stop setting me up, time after time, for a big fall. Please stop almost being wonderful. Please, please, please, just leave me alone. I have just completely lost my shit in an online coffeehouse, for crying out loud, and I can’t handle being disappointed anymore. Another couple of times like this, and I am afraid I will no longer be willing to feel anything at all.

Best regards,
-freesia