full meal deal
First off, hell yeah. My co-teachers (and possibly some 7 Strangers friends) are coming this Saturday, and I can’t wait.
Secondly, I didn’t get to post about my Sunday night. It involved Sjet, a lot of fried chicken, more popsicles than I can remember, cartoons, and waking up in someone else’s bed. It also included the following sound bytes, which probably won’t be nearly as funny to you as they are to me.
Me: Were you trying to decide which hand to eat out of … or talk into?
Her: No, i was thinking
I can’t put this down!
I have to plug this in!
I can’t put this down!
Her: Oh my god, oh my god, I’ve become … THAT GIRL!
Him:What are you doing?
Her:Eating chicken.
Him:No, I mean … what are you doing?
Her:Eating chicken.
Um. There was another REALLY FUNNY one that involved spanking but I am not allowed to post that here.
Today, I spent eight hours in CPR/First Aid training with a guy we like to call Cool Keith. He’s a fireman with crazy burn marks and nine fingers and some of the funniest decapitation stories you will find anywhere. Important quotes include:
So I says, “Sweetheart, settle down. I AM 911.”
The Heineken Maneuver? Don’t you mean the Heimlich? Maybe you’ve already had a bit too much Heineken, sir.
You KNOW that they’re dead, so that’s when you start doing CPR on them.
I’ve touched many a woman’s breast in my day … and proud of it!
Now obviously, if it’s my wife on the floor, she’s getting the full meal deal.
Remember - I feel no pain because I’m dead.
I knew she was dead just by looking at her. (I don’t normally just rip off your blouse.)
I don’t want to get shot, ‘cause all I’ve got is scissors.
You’re doing fine - the mom is just dying over there.
Son, I told you - don’t take the car!
(Said while shaking child dummy by neck)
She’s got enough work to do, just sitting there and bleeding to death.
Oh dear, I’m going to hell for laughing. (Well, among other things.)
If I’d known CPR was that fun, I’d have learned it years ago.
Still missing you, off and on. I stop by once in a while to check out the blog.
Been melancholy lately. Working on it. You’re good for that, which I think is the origin of the missing.
LOL!
I want this guy to teach my next CPR refresher class!