the best email i’ve gotten in weeks

Dearest Freesia,

I didn’t get much sleep last night. I kept tossing and turning. I was in a cold sweat. I felt that something in my life was missing; that I was incomplete. I was walking through my day all akimbo. I even felt that my performance that night was off. “Whatever could it be?” I kept asking myself in a sort of hypnotic trance. When I arrived at my tiny studio, I went through the routine with a robotic grace. Key in door, pull in, turn, push open. Up the stairs, left foot, extend, right foot, extend, repeat fourteen times. Top of the stairs, turn right, walk to phone. Pick up reciver, press ‘talk’, check voice mail. Turn left, walk to computer and turn on. Click internet connection. Click Yahoo mail.

That’s when the routine ended.

There it was. Like a beacon in the night. Like the word of God embossed on stone tablets with lightning and fire and bestowed upon Moses. Three little words. Three little words that had the power to fill up the thousands of universes of emptiness that my life had become. Be. My. Friendster. The words that I didn’t even know I longed to read. The words that will have forever changed my life. Yes. Yes, by golly Freesia! A thousand times yes!! I WILL BE YOUR FRIENDSTER!!!!!

-Revelation