hollywood and mine

Day #2…

Thursday night, Mitch and I sit up late just talking. It’s been over two years since he came to visit the ghetto-fabulous Belltown apartment Bill and I used to have, and I was really glad to have some time to catch up when we weren’t hundreds of miles apart. After that, it was time for some serious sleeping. (You know, as opposed to silly sleeping.)

Mitch gets up and goes to work on Friday, and I sleep in. After I get up, we’re planning to go hiking. So, we head out to Burbank to pick up Kim, and we meet Kathy there. While at Starbuck’s, waiting for our lattes, we decide that we’re going to do something else.

I can’t tell you what this something else is.

Mitch’s friend Matt is getting a gift certificate to do this thing for his Christmas present. Since he might be reading this, I am not going to divulge any information other than this: My ass STILL hurts, three days later. Have fun, Matt! Merry Christmas!

Afterwards, still smelling bad, we get ice cream and drop off Kathy, and head off to Hollywood! We do the standard touristy thing, take pictures with the stars (Shari Lewis, Ozzy Osbourne, Lawrence Welk, Marilyn Monroe - you know, standard fare.) We spend some quality time in a Frederick’s, where Kim tries on a Femme-Bot nightie and I wander around the lingerie museum. A few minutes later, we find ourselves at a sex shop looking at swings. (I know, I know. This is why I went. I was giving thanks, you see.)

My favorite part of the evening - I’m roaming around the “toy aisle”, and Mitch wanders back to see if I’m ready to go. I say “I’m still looking” and the sales lady spins on him and says “Of course she’s still looking! You give the girl some time!” and shoos him away. (Hee, hee, hee.)

Then, we head out to the Universal City Walk, where we wander in and out of shops until Kathy, Matt, Andy, and Theresa show up. (It’s amazing. In the span of about twenty minutes I go from being a third whell to being a fifth wheel to being a seventh wheel.) We check out every toy store we can, and finally end up getting hammered at Tony Roma’s. We are loud and obnoxious and are having a great time, and we decide to continue drinking at Planet Hollywood.

Matt’s partner Justin works there - he is AWESOME. They do comics together, and Justin has hands the size of my head. I shake one of his, and mine disappears. I’ve had two glasses of wine at this point - he seems about seven feet tall, and his huge dreds are the most amazing thing I’ve seen. By the time I’ve been there twenty minutes, I’ve also had two shots of scotch and most of a Pacifico. I am feeling brave. I pull Kim aside and I tell her that there are no bread trucks in my future. By this time, I have had it up to HERE with all the tension, and I am ready to scream - and if I have to get drunk and spill my guts in order for that to go away, that’s what I’m willing to do. Mitch has been my best friend off and on for nine years, and I am not going to give up that friendship - but I also don’t want her to freak every time I’m around. I remember thinking very clearly that there has got to be a middle ground here, and I will be damned if I can’t find it. I don’t remember what exactly was said - but I say a lot, and I say it very quickly because I’m afraid I will wimp out if I stop to think. I feel like it goes reasonably well. After four cigarettes (which I smoke end-to-end), Mitch finds us. Justin apparently saw us leave, and said “Women plus alcohol equals high emotions - you should go find them.” and he came looking. Kim’s response to that accusation? “Well, we were actually making out until you showed up!”

Amazingly, I make it home without puking in Mitch’s car.