We had our first rehearsal

We had our first rehearsal last night for Orgasmo Adulto Escapes from the Zoo…

shit. What an amazing group of strong, talented women. I’ve never done a show that was just women before. The vibe I got walking into the theatre was far different than any feeling I’ve ever had meeting a new cast before. They are all so different, and yet so tough and so beautiful… and different. It was almost frightening. I don’t see myself as a powerful woman - but walking into that room and feeling that power coming from everyone else - and having them treat me the same way - was sort of a frightening wake-up call to me. It’s easier to just slip through life without ever really harnessing that power… to sink out of sight and forget that it’s okay to turn that inner potential energy into kinetic energy. I was completely envigorated by the entire situation. For so many years, I’ve spent the vast majority of my time surrounded by guys. I never really understood why I felt so much more comfortable with men, and now I’m starting to. Realizing that inner power is frightening, and extremely difficult. It makes some women really competitive. I don’t know how it all works, but what I do know is that I’ve never felt competitive with my guy friends. And, although the women in the cast are not competitive people - at least not in a negative way - I can see where the inclination would come from. I see women who are so strong and so grounded in who they are and what they want, and it makes me question myself. But, at the same time, it can be an incredibly impowering experience, and that’s how I think this show is going to be.

One of the other actresses, the fantastic Dina Maugeri, saw me in Pearl, which kind of shocked me. I still don’t feel like I’ve been here long enough that anyone should know who I am. Aimee said at rehearsal that she picked us partially because she knew that we would be women who could work together without being competitive or snipy - she knew it about the rest of the cast because she knows them personally, but she knew it about me because she “checked up on me”. (I bet she talked to Bill Cole, who’s in Unfair Arguments with Existence with her right now, and who was my director in 14/48. He’s such a great guy.) It was a really unsettling - but very positive - evening, and I’m anxious to really get started in this rehearsal process. Part of why I liked Mass Murder so much was all the one-on-one time I had with Jeff…. well, this is going to be a totally different experience. Instead of one and a half hours one-on-one with the director twice a week (and not seeing everyone else’s work until tech), we’re going to have one FOUR HOUR LONG rehearsal one-on-one each week, and then we’re going to all come back together once a week to do it for each other. It’s going to be SO GREAT.

Now, if I just had a job, my life would be perfect. ;)
(and maybe a clean apartment.)

So, our first rehearsal is

So, our first rehearsal is Sunday. And, according to an email from Aimee today,

“The Women of Orgasmo are

Alicia Barta
Madonna Cacciatore
Nicole DuFresne
MaryJane Gibson
Dina Maugeri”

Sadly, I do not know any of these people (except myself, of course… but do I really know myself? Sorry, had a brief benlau moment there.) Do you know any of these women? Would you like to tell me about them?

Other than that, this day has been too boring to comment on. I spent most of the day looking for grants, fellowships, assistanceships, ANYTHING to help me figure out how the hell I’m going to even try to go to grad school when I’m this far in debt and have this many bills. Any ideas on fun grants or loans or scholarships or fellowships I could apply for? I would sure love to hear them.

Excerpted from Rose Barlow’s quotes

Excerpted from Rose Barlow’s quotes page

I think this is by Ryan Casey, but maybe not:

underlying pressure breaks dreams
(flood)
neurotic problems
obsessive jealous goddess of fluff
overbearing compulsive frantic
forget paranoia
denial
cause rivalry
I
will
resent and destroy
the past

Here’s a great article about

Here’s a great article about theatre, and its continuing importance despite recent events. On a similar note - thank you, Rutters. For going onstage even when you weren’t feeling “on”, and entertaining people when they needed it most.

“It will not be quick.

“It will not be quick. It will not be easy.”
-some politician on tv

And, exciting thing number three.

And, exciting thing number three.

I got the part. I’m blogging about it a few hours later because I was so excited I just about wet myself. The initial audition went well - I was kind of excited to have the (albeit forced) opportunity to prepare a four-minute-long monologue. I felt really at home with the piece, and despite not being as well-prepared as I would have liked, I thought it went okay. The fun part, however, was that both Aimee and I have played Elizabeth Barrow Colt in The Art of Dining by Tina Howe, and we spent quite some time talking about the fun roles I was lucky enough to play in college. I

So, tonight. I spend so long yakking with Nate online that I don’t even start getting ready to go until long after I’d been hoping to leave. I showed up five minutes before my time, out of breath, sniffling, coughing frantically. I get started on the side that I’d been working on, off and on, during the day. It starts a little rough, but ends better than I’d hoped. I end, put the script in my lap, say Thank You, and before I have the chance to finish exhaling, she says “I want you to do this part. ” I mis-understand her statement, and think that she wants me to do another piece of she side. I look puzzled, and she continues … she says I have a “stellar” reputation and she’s glad I auditioned. This entire time, of course, I have not actually completed that exhale. I manage to say “I have a reputation?” and she says “Yes. A very good one.” She goes on to tell me that I have a very clear perception of who this character is, and that I should start memorizing immediately. Couldn’t believe it. STILL can’t believe it.

I called Bill’s cell the INSTANT I got out of the theatre, and left this giddy message on his voicemail, even though I KNEW he was still at rehearsal. Just like Molly’s recent casting karma, the schedule is perfect. Rehearsals start Sunday, the show goes up the 22nd of November (I think?) and closes the 22nd of December. And, since it’s yet ANOTHER show consisting of a series of monologues, the rehearsal schedule will be slightly more flexible, and the rehearsals themselves will probably be more intense. What is it with me and monologues? I’d never done a huge monologue until Mass Murder, and now I’m doing another one. I do theatre because of the people, and here I’m doing shows where I don’t meet the cast until tech. Go figure.

Anyway, I’m up way past my bedtime. I’ve been such a bundle of nerves ever since I got home that I didn’t even try to sleep… but six thirty is creeping up on me AWFULLY FAST. Man. I’m going to be a mess tomorrow morning… but I can’t complain. This has been a really stinking great day.

And Nate … whenever you want to grab some coffee and run lines, let me know. I am so excited to be acting again. I loved stage managing, don’t get me wrong - but this is just so much more fulfilling for me. I feel a lot like my friend Sarah does right now. Check out her blog from today (or, technically, yesterday). Maybe it’s time to focus. Time to stop doing things because I feel like I should - because it’s easy - because it just happens to happen that way. I applied for a not-too-exciting but extremely well-paying job today. It would be far preferable to temping, and then maybe I could afford to chase my really big dream. I need to start making some serious choices, and I need to decide what my priorities are. Acting is a priority. Financial self-sufficience is a priority. Maybe if I manage to reconcile those two priorities, I will get to where I need to be. Maybe I need to simplify my goals, so that I can intensify my energy on a smaller number of things. Maybe that’s the key.

Or maybe I just need to go to bed.

Important blogfact number two… I

Important blogfact number two…

I would like you all to meet Dyanna, my own personal spitfirenymph. I really, really love this girl, and if you can believe it, she is even more magical in person than she is in pictures. She’s one of those friends that I think about all the time, and catch up with every so often. Looking at the pictures reminded me that I haven’t seen her in four years. All through high school, we told her that she should model. I’m glad now that she’s finally considering giving it a chance.

Here is a look at Dyanna’s beautiful outside, and here is a brief glimpse into her mesmerizing inside.

Confidential to my apple
You fucking rule.
I miss you.
Come to Seattle.

I haven’t blogged in so

I haven’t blogged in so long that I’m afraid I’m massively behind. I have three important things to talk about, so they’re all going to have to come at once. My apologies for the blogdensity.

First off, here is a forward I got from my cousin today. Now, I’ve received many forwards in the past few days. Most of these forwards start off okay… they talk about the good things about our country for awhile, and I agree with all of that. Then, somehow, they begin berating the president for fighting back, and I start to get angry. This is not what I believe. So, tonight, my “buddy” Bruce sent me a forward I not only didn’t immediately delete, but actually want to share.

Subject: We’ll Go Forward From This Moment

We’ll Go Forward From This Moment

by Leonard Pitts Jr. of the Miami Herald

It’s my job to have something to say. They pay me to provide words that help make sense of that which troubles the American soul. But in this moment of airless shock when hot tears sting disbelieving eyes, the only thing I can find to say, the only words that seem to fit, must be addressed to the unknown author of this suffering.

You monster. You beast. You unspeakable bastard.

What lesson did you hope to teach us by your coward’s attack on our World Trade Center, our Pentagon, us? What was it you hoped we would learn? Whatever it was, please know that you failed.

Did you want us to respect your cause? You just damned your cause.

Did you want to make us fear? You just steeled our resolve.

Did you want to tear us apart? You just brought us together.

Let me tell you about my people. We are a vast and quarrelsome family, a family rent by racial, social, political and class division, but a family nonetheless. We’re frivolous, yes, capable of expending tremendous emotional energy on pop cultural minutiae — a singer’s revealing dress, a ball team’s misfortune, a cartoon mouse. We’re wealthy, too, spoiled by the ready availability of trinkets and material goods, and maybe because of that, we walk through life with a certain sense of blithe entitlement. We are fundamentally decent, though - peace-loving and compassionate. We struggle to know the right thing and to do it. And we are, the overwhelming majority of us, people of faith, believers in a just and loving God.

Some people — you, perhaps — think that any or all of this makes us weak. You’re mistaken. We are not weak. Indeed, we are strong in ways that cannot be measured by arsenals. Yes, we’re in pain now. We are in mourning and we are in shock. We’re still grappling with the unreality of the awful thing you did, still working to make ourselves understand that this isn’t a special effect from some Hollywood blockbuster, isn’t the plot development from a Tom Clancy novel. Both in terms of the awful scope of their ambition and the probable final death toll, your attacks are likely to go down as the worst acts of terrorism in the history of the United States and, probably, the history of the world. You’ve bloodied us as we have never been bloodied before.

But there’s a gulf of difference between making us bloody and making us fall. This is the lesson Japan was taught to its bitter sorrow the last time anyone hit us this hard, the last time anyone brought us such abrupt and monumental pain. When roused, we are righteous in our outrage, terrible in our force. When provoked by this level of barbarism, we will bear any suffering, pay any cost, go to any length, in the pursuit of justice.

I tell you this without fear of contradiction. I know my people, as you, I think, do not. What I know reassures me. It also causes me to tremble with dread of the future.

In the days to come, there will be recrimination and accusation, fingers pointing to determine whose failure allowed this to happen and what can be done to prevent it from happening again. There will be heightened security, misguided talk of revoking basic freedoms. We’ll go forward from this moment sobered, chastened, sad. But determined, too. Unimaginably determined.

You see, the steel in us is not always readily apparent. That aspect of our character is seldom understood by people who don’t know us well. On this day, the family’s bickering is put on hold.

As Americans we will weep, as Americans we will mourn, and as Americans, we will rise in defense of all that we cherish.

So I ask again: What was it you hoped to teach us? It occurs to me that maybe you just wanted us to know the depths of your hatred. If that’s the case, consider the message received. And take this message in exchange:

You don’t know my people. You don’t know what we’re capable of. You don’t know what you just started. But you’re about to learn.

Confidential to Molly I’m listening.

Confidential to Molly

I’m listening.
I’m sure I’m not the only one.

When the Stranger review came

When the Stranger review came out calling Jonah “a star”, it was all everyone could talk about for days. But somehow, there is this magical little interview with Richard LeFevbre online, and we either didn’t notice (because the site is new) or… something. Thank you, Richard, for once again being odder than my life, and twice as interesting.

And now, I’m off to be a ‘whore in a lunatic asylum’ for about four minutes.
Wish me luck.

Stolen blog, again, from Sarah:

Stolen blog, again, from Sarah:

Bill’s family is from that area. His aunt Margy lives and works in NYC - she was on jury duty today, and saw the second plane crash at the World Trade Center. His mother’s best friend Lynny lives right near the Pentagon and saw that crash. His uncle Johnny plays golf with a group of men who work in the Trade Center. His little brother is stranded at school because the Bay Bridge has been shut down. His father works in DC and is currently standing in the middle of a street - the buildings have been evacuated, but all transit has been shut down. There are thousands of people just standing in the streets because they have nowhere to go. And, in this midst of all this, our country is being guided by the idiot who has quickly made us the laughingstock of the world. People are relating this incident to Pearl Harbor - but according to the website, “3,500 Americans died in the attack on December 7, 1941.” According to the news and what I’ve gathered from the World Trade Center website, there are an estimated 50,000 people who work in those two buildings, plus the smoke inhalation deaths, plus the pentagon deaths, plus the people on all four planes, plus the carnage and chaos surrounding the entire north-eastern section of our country today. Maybe we really are on the verge of war. And if so… what happens now?

Okay. I have to prepare

Okay. I have to prepare a four-minute cutting from Orgasmo Adulto Escapes from the Zoo for the audition I have a week from yesterday. Do I want to do an excerpt from:

a) Monologue of a Whore in a Lunatic Asylum - fairly low-key and gritty, discussing her outbursts at work which she doesn’t remember, discussing being molested by her father (which she doesn’t remember), discussing her first sexual experience (and her resulting sore belly button), etc. Possibly a good fit for me because of my ‘edge’ - something I’ve been told by directors since time immemorial. (i.e. Bill Sonnega on why he cast me as Lady Capulet. He felt my ‘edge’ as an actor made me a good fit for his uber-bitchy ice queen. That kind of thing.)

OR

b> It Happens Tomorrow - a woman’s story about being stabbed four times and left for dead in a prison, right before being rescued. Really creepy - but somehow very objective - descriptions of very nearly bleeding to death on the floor. I worry that a lot of people will do this one, but I still really like it. Not as much to go on as far as what this person is actually LIKE, which also offers a lot of creative freedom as far as preparing a fairly long cutting goes.

Strangely enough, these are the only two pieces (out of the seven that are not pre-cast) that I feel suitable to perform. The others require a far more mature (either in age or in persona) woman than I am… yet. If I were to audition for this show again in ten years, I could maybe pull one of them off… but not this week.

I need help. Which piece do you think I should do? Wouldn’t you like to write me a note and tell me? I’m kind of leaning toward the whore piece, but I haven’t made a concrete decision yet. I only have six days left, and I need to get off my ass and do SOMETHING soon. I am running out of time.

My darling Sarah posted a

My darling Sarah posted a link, awhile back, to Wil Wheaton’s website. While farting around there today, because I AM THAT BORED, I found this. I thought it was pretty damn amusing.

Up until this morning, I

Up until this morning, I knew nothing about Dario Fo. It’s just amazing what you can find on the internet when you’re bored at work.

I’m auditioning for the Dario

I’m auditioning for the Dario Fo and Franca Rame piece @ Theatre Under the Influence next Sunday. I have to prepare a four-ish minute cutting from Orgasmo Adulto Escapes from the Zoo. I feel kind of silly saying this, but I think my favorite piece is the one entitled Monologue of a Whore in a Lunatic Asylum. I wonder what that says about me.

It looks like Sonya has

It looks like Sonya has been thinking along the same lines I have for the past few days.
Maybe it’s something in the air.

So, I was watching Judging

So, I was watching Judging Amy tonight. I rarely watch it, but every time I watch it, I really like it. Tonight, there were a lot of quotes and concepts that really stuck out, so here they are… led off by Annex’s own Jillian Armenante.

No kidding.