Not a usual theme for this log, and prolly not a theme that will be repeated too often here: introspection. Over the years, I have the interpretation that sharing my ideas is not wanted or desired, so I tend to keep many things to myself. Several instances and somewhat conversations have brought this to mind:
Now, having been told numerous numerous times that: I am in no form, way, or fashion desireable; I have absolutely nothing to offer in a relationship; I make no effort to sustain a relationship; I am not an interesting person; "dream on"; "Why the hell would I be interested in you?"; "You are probably the most disgusting person I have ever met"; "You are kidding yourself if you beleive you'd get a date"; and various others, that I know that I shouldn't even bother trying to ask anyone out any more. Well, actually, realized that a few years ago. Not that I have ever had any success in flirting or asking anyone out - which is rather pathetic for a 30 year old, but hey, I've been living 30 years accepting that I am a pathetic person; nothing new.
So, an insight was shared that a theory is that females are interested in guys that are willing to be walked over. Perhaps, since I give the aura that I'd not allow anyone to walk over me, nor would put up with playing games in a relationship, that I am just not worth pursuing. It was also theorized that females do in fact grade you in a relationship. If you're not doing an active means of showing them that they are constanly on your mind every day, the relationship will fail. Now, since only a few people read this, and none are female, I doubt that there'll be any rebuttal (I don't care how it's spelled right now). However, there may be people who either have a successful relationship, or had a relationship.
Now, there was a time that I would put everyone's concerns and problems ahead of my own. By college, this burnt me out - and the saying 'nice guys finish last' wasn't accurate. Nice guys, in fact, do not finish at all. What made me realize I let people walk over me was around Sophomore year, when I had a vehicle again. The only time I would hear from any 'friend' was when they needed a ride somewhere. It got to the point that the phone would ring, I'd pick it up, and ask "where do you need to go?" Which would follow by a voice asking how I knew that they wanted a ride. Well, because the only time a person talks to me anymore is because they want me to take them somewhere. So, then I adopted a more 'take no shit from anyone' type attitude. Sure, I'd be more assy, but my life would become far less stressful. And, it has.
Before junior high, and parts of junior high, I was considered cute, I guess. At least that is what I was told, and there were instances where I was actively pursued. So, would this perhaps confirm that there may be at least some truth to the proposed theory?
It is true that I do not beleive in playing games in a relationship - I don't even put up with having games played, I do not allow someone else to walk over me, and I do not beleive in keeping score in a relationship. A relationship is not a means to have your existence validated. It is not to have you feeling that you are the most important person there is. At least, those are my feelings. I don't beleive that it is necessary to buy someone's love by showering them with gifts just to validate them. My belief is that a relationship consists of a couple that desires to be with one another's company, so one would enter a relationship because they wish to spend time with another person and is interested in their thoughts and feelings. Not to find out just what you can get from them or what you can get them to do for you.
So, are females really that shallow and insecure? Do they really need a constant overt reminder that they are thought of? As an example of what I mean: Say one person drives several hundres miles each day to go to work and back in order to spend time with another. This takes several hours a day, and introduces a lot of stress both physical and mental. This person is willing to go through all that without any complaint or holding it against the other, just to be with the other. One would suspect that this could be considered an overt reminder, however, the other feels slighted cause they do not get flowers or gifts. That would be considered the overt reminder. So, then, are females really that shallow?
Just wondering if there were other insights into things out there.
I still go with my theory that I, in particular, am just not interesting to others - although to what contributes to the lack of interest I do not yet know.
Posted by haglund at September 25, 2002 3:50 PM