I don’t know how many of you knew her, but a pretty fucking amazing person was taken from us. She was smart, she was tough, she was crazy, she was sexy, and she was ridiculously talented. All in all, she intimidated the hell out of me until I learned to love her. Maybe you loved her too.
In any case, here’s Article #1, Article #2 and Article #3 about exactly how the whole thing happened. Which, if you knew her, probably won’t surprise you one bit. She was someone who would always put herself in harm’s way to protect the people she loved.
So long, Nicole. I bet that where you are now, you can tour as many fringe festivals as you want without having to work a shitty day job you hate. I am certain that you are getting the love you deserve. (And contrary to what you may have thought at the time, you weren’t heavy at all.)
feeling resolute
Since I never bothered writing them on New Year’s Eve, as I was busy dressing up as a fallen angel and dancing until I fell over, here is a start at some resolutions. Ahem.
1) Learn to properly ride and care for my new motorcycle (the one in the link isn’t actually mine, but it’s the best pic I could find online. I can’t upload anything right now!)
2) Take better care of the fatass brothers, who deserve more lovin’.
3) Keep taking off the weight. 10 lbs off since I moved out, and 10-15 more to go until I will finally be happy. Right now I’m a size 8, which I haven’t been since I was 19. I refuse to believe this is as good as I will ever look.
4) Keep singing! Eween and I karaoke ALL THE DAMN TIME. (The pic is from June. I should upload something more recent!)
5) Someday, find myself a decent used flugelhorn and start playing again. I tried the guitar but just don’t have the hands for it, and I would love to be an instrumentalist again.
6) Keep running! By the end of last summer, I could go almost 3 miles without stopping.
7 - 9) Deleted. I have to keep SOMETHING private. (Right?)
10) Really do my homework, and kick the living SHIT out of JoJo, the Bridezilla Candy Kid I’m playing for the 3rd (February) and 4th (June) episodes of my show. I have officially the best costume ever for this character. I’m working with all of my best friends for the next six months, and it is going to RULE.
11) Keep thinking about grad school. I mean, really thinking about it. It won’t happen this fall, but I would love to have an application ready for fall of 2006. I don’t think I’m even vaguely ready to leave this city, and my finances are still in complete uproar, but I’m at least going to apply to the UW. They’ve got a fucking great MFA program, so we’ll see what happens.
12) Continue rocking at and loving my job.
13) Continue bringing finances into order. God bless automatic bill pay! I may be making tracks on that whole “responsible adult” thing yet.
14) Continue to ponder quitting smoking. Each time, I quit for a little longer … and right now, I am only having one every few days. I haven’t bought a pack in a LONG time, so who knows. I find the less pressure I put on myself about it, the longer I stay quit for.
15) Continue to eat healthier. I’ve pretty much given meat and eat LOTS of soy. One of these days that’s going to actually seem to make a difference. Really.
16) Start rollerblading. Keep all existing skin.
17) Keep dating and not letting it bother me when it doesn’t work. Casual dating can be fun, kids!
Resolutions, anyone? That is, if you care to share.
Happy Anniversary!
One year ago today, this giant bundle of lovin’ came into my life for the first time. He couldn’t have happened to me at a time when I needed him more. Happy anniversary, Fatass. Mama loves ya.
do you believe in time travel?
Let’s take a little hop, skip, and a jump back through the hourglass of my life to see what I was doing in the beginning of OTHER years.
January 2004. Just getting over the tremendous clusterfuck that was my Christmas/New Year’s trip. Lotta good in that trip, and a whole lot of shit. Finally giving up on DJ ever coming back into my life. Cleaning dog hair from my room and my clothes and trying to convince myself that it was okay to have a pet again, knowing how it felt to lose one. Meeting O for the first time, and discovering the species slutticus feminus pirahnus for the first time. Being so sick I was hallucinating, for almost a solid week.
January 2003. Just got finished participating in my second 14/48 and having my mind completely blown. Went up on my lines for my first (and thus far, ONLY) time on stage, to the point where I was panicking. (Fucking stupid surgical gloves.) Acted for my first time with Ms. Moon. I was hating my job at Ye Olde Children’s Theatre, I was desperately searching for something new, and I was gradually beginning to figure out that the “on the side” acting classes I was apprenticiing were the only things that were really making me happy. I was about to re-connect with a former boyfriend, and then lose him again. I was about to spend one of the most confusing weekends of my life with DanielTheElectrician. I was about to start working for Mad Science. A lot of things were coming.
January 2002. Temping and hating my life. Thinking vaguely of going to grad school. Thinking vaguely of selling out entirely and saying goodbye to my soul in the name of financial stability. A friend of many of my friends was about to lose her battle with breast cancer. And then, just as the month was coming to an end, I was about to take the job at Ye Olde Children’s Theatre. Not a mention, throughout the whole month, of any acting, which I guess is what my life was about back then. I had just re-connected with my insatiable one. I had no idea how much shit was about to hit the fan.
What about NOW?
January 2005. Getting ready to learn how to ride my sexy monster bike. Lovin’ on my cats. Slowly learning how to deal with boys I used to love. Coming to terms with my job, which I mostly love but occasionally can’t handle. Feeling like I’m coming into my own. Learning how to stick up for myself. No longer feeling guilty about occasional bitchy outbursts. Getting cast in things that inspire me. Feeling just a tad enfuego.
long time, shouldn’t have left you
Adios, 2004. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye…
2004 was both the most mindblowingly good and bad year of my life. Highlights include:
Being not single
Being single
Being not single again
Being single again
Getting used to no longer having a dog
Living without pets
Having my first cat
Having my second cat
Losing second cat, and acquiring third cat
Living with Pwe and SRaeRob
Living with Eween and Rosco
Living with Crave
Living alone for the first time… with aforementioned cats
Having first fish ever
Having second fish ever
Having NO fish, again
Thinking briefly that I had found the person I was going to marry
Thinking briefly that I would, in fact, never find that person
Being confused
Being guilty
Watching the first love of my life get married
Watching my best friend get married
Getting car towed
Being “scofflaw”
Selling car
Indescribable amount of bureaucratic selling/buying bullshit
Buying motorcycle
Re-Learning to ride the bus
Cycling through several haircolors and styles
Briefly having contacts
Getting sick of them and getting glasses
Gaining a lot of weight
Losing a lot of weight
Quitting smoking
Quitting Quitting smoking
Re-prioritizing EVERYTHING in my life
Becoming less of a hermit
Becoming more of a hermit
Learning to CARPE FUCKING DIEM, for Christ’s sake
Not knowing when to STOP carpe-ing the diem
Learning the most I could from a life of extremes
Searching desperately for a middleground
Working my way gradually into the 21st century
The first time in my life not having a computer OR tv
Developing an obsession with Haruki Murakami
Enjoying the HELL out of my job
Getting cast in a LOT of really great stuff
Getting my best girlfriend a job at my job
Feeling like I have a strong, cohesive group of FRIENDS here
Knowing for sure that this is where I belong
The gradual inundation of the area by my high school friends
Introducing friends from different groups and having them get along
Finally starting to feel like I’ve carved out my own little niche in this world
Life is good, y’all. Life is hella good.