a’soulin’, a’soulin’, a soul cake
And now, because I am too tired to post something real, here’s an amalgamation of “nuggets of thought” from last weekend.
I am dead. I poisoned people. As part of my penance, I am writing messages to people in flour on the floor of the kitchen. One of these messages says:
Benlau walks into the kitchen and reads this out loud. Then he snickers and says “Yeah, right. And one vial to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.”
Later that evening, Josh walks through. He turns to the other people in the kitchen and says “You know, I’ve been to her house. This is actually how she cooks.” A few minutes later he returns, and says “This is exactly how she looked at retreat.”
Benlau comes through again the next night. I’ve’ changed “one vial to kill, one vial to heal” to “one vial kills, one vial heals”, thinking that the removal of the word “to” will stave off any Lord of the Rings references. I am wrong. He walks in, takes one look at what I’ve written, bursts out laughing, and runs from the kitchen. I find myself very grateful that nobody is in the kitchen to watch me laugh until I cry. Of course, the people who came through next probably thought that I was weeping out of ghostly remorse, which is okay too.
Sasa from work comes with a group of friends, spends two hours trying to find my talisman - which Ida has always just taken from me when they return - and finally gives me my vial at 11:55. Just in time.
The drunkest, most ridiculous voicemail message that I have ever gotten from Yuki and Jet. (If anyone wants to listen to it, I totally saved it. It’s still there.)
“Okay, okay. So, you two make out, and then I’ll take a picture. Okay. Now, you kiss her and YOU look really happy about it. Okay. Now, both of you make out and I will be over here, also in the shot, looking really happy about it. Yeah. That’s good.”
We take a break and go to der Uber-Meyer to shop for (what else?) underpants. While looking, I get a call from Yuki and Jet, and I ask Yuki if he thinks I need “Queen of the Universe” underwear. He turns and asks Jet, and I can hear Jet loudly proclaim (in the middle of the sushi restaurant) “Alicia does NOT need underwear!”
“Oh my god, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Seriously - and I’m not just saying this because I’m drunk - we should hang out. We should. Get over here, bitch! I’m PUTTING YOU IN MY PHONE!”
Having my tattoo be the group salt lick for everyone’s tequila shots
“I know what your tattoo says - it says ‘BOG TO KILL’! And you got it because of your love of the group Boston!”
Meeting Robbie’s wonderful new boyfriend, Kevin, who let me pet his fuzzy head
Squeezing myself into vinyl, and then GOING OUT IN PUBLIC IN IT
Where is Waldo? THERE is Waldo!
“Hey, take those off so I can see your eyes. Ohhhh, THERE’s my girl …”
Robbie and I doing a full-on production number of “You’re the one that I want” from Grease at the top of our lungs
“I really only asked about your girlfriend so I would know whether or not to feel bad when I make out with you later.”
Getting yelled at by Hell’s landlord, and having to leave
Getting back to Heaven, only to have the cops show up
Dave from Detroit, and his party presents
Having a large straight boy say that me and my very gay guy friend falling on top of each other on Amandalee’s bed was “Really HOT.”
Watching someone puke in a sink
“Just look at yourself, and say this. ‘I am so hot. I am strong and I have a huge badass tattoo and people like licking me, and I’m dressed in vinyl and I look so fucking hot. I’m strong and I’m hot and I even puke pretty.’ Just keep saying that… Hey, guys? Do you prefer pads or tampax?”
“See? It’s a Children’s Theatre Dramaschool shirt! It’ll practically feel like it’s yours!”
“I know you’re unhappy now, but just remember that this will pass.”
“We were talking, and we decided that you are the nicest straight guy that either of us have ever met!”
There is a reading of this absolutely brutal play of Elizabeth Heffron’s called “Mitzi’s Abortion”. Afterwards, we talk about tissue that is taken from that sort of situation, and how it is often later used for things like make-up. Someone then remarks on the fact that circumcision tissue is used for similar things. Someone else says “Like wallets?” and Gude says “If you rub it a little, it turns into an overnight bag!”
I got cast in something great. Then, the person I was cast opposite dropped out of the show. SO. Someone new has been cast in his place, and I have to go in and read with this person to see if I am still cast or not. Please, send me good vibes Tuesday evening - you know, the kind of vibes that will make it possible for me to have really incredible chemistry with another woman’s husband. That would be great.