and now, for something completely different
I’ve been trying to get away from posting quiz results, but seriously. This shit’s funny.
You’re a vinyl/fetish corset. Grrrrowl.
What corset are you?
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starve the emptiness and feed the hunger
A year ago, something happened to me that I didn’t see coming. I had spent the previous several months trying to convince myself that I felt a certain way, even though I didn’t. I did this out of self-preservation, not out of malice. I felt like that was the only way I could protect myself and get on with things. Unfortunately, at that point in my life I was awfully good at fooling myself. Too good. I turned an unfortunate situation into one of those “saying something you’re going to regret” situations. And for that - better late than never - I’m sorry. Maybe I felt like you deserved it at the time, or maybe I felt like I was balancing the scales. In any case, I didn’t intend to be cruel.
What situations like this teach me is that life goes on. The hurt that is so sharp and so intense that you feel completely overwhelmed will eventually fade. The guilt passes, as does the grieving. And while time may not heal all wounds, it will eventually give enough perspective to let you see that they are not mortal wounds, and they never were. For every hurt, you develop a scar that is stronger than the skin was - even when you thought your skin was impermeable. Nihil sub sole novum, loosely translated, means that “any action, in the fullness of time, sinks to nothingness.”* I don’t know that I agree with this entirely - but at its core, that’s what I’m talking about here.
Here is another example.
As most of you know, I teach at a theatre for children. And as anyone who works with children knows, tragedy does not prey merely on the old and wise. A few nights ago, one of the kids who was acting in a summer play here simply died in his sleep. No illness, no warning, no obvious answer as to why it had happened at all. This boy was in rehearsals for a show that was supposed to open next weekend, and had been rehearsing with his castmates for several weeks. He had been taking classes here his entire life, and the news of his unexpected passing sent shockwaves through the community here. Kids have had classes with him, teachers have taught him, tech people remember him from other summer season shows. For my part, I could not even fathom what it must be like for the kids in his show. You all remember how inexplicably close you get to people at summer camp as a kid. Maybe you’ve only known them a few days, but for some reason you feel like you’ve been friends your entire lives. On top of that, add on the connection and camaraderie you have with cast members. And then suddenly, for no reason, delete one of those presences from the equation right before opening night. How do you react? How do you grieve for a friendly face who is there one day and not there the next? I lost my first close friend when I was 14, and the months following that morning are a complete blur to me, even now. I felt for the kids in this cast - more so even than I did for his mother. I felt like they would be shattered … and I was wrong.
Life goes on. When someone dies, when you lose something precious, when you feel like you’ve made all the wrong decisions and have left yourself with nowhere to turn. When I walked past the theatre today, there were those kids - rehearsing outside, where all the world could see. Making their speeches and singing their songs and giggling together and getting on with their lives. Realizing, perhaps, how strong they have the potential to be.
* excerpted from The Secret History, by Donna Tartt
goodbye, little bear
is it that time already?
Happy Friday, all.
1. What’s the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country?
Last place outside my current state: Minnesota. Goddamn was that a great weekend. Outside the country: For two and a half weeks during the summer of 1994, I traveled Europe with the Illinois Ambassadors of Music. At the moment, I don’t even have a passport.
2. What’s the most bizarre/unusual thing that’s ever happened to you while traveling?
Running into someone I knew … in a gift shop in Liechtenstein. That was pretty weird.
3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?
First of all, back to Minnesota. (Stop laughing, Ernie.) Then Chicago to visit people, and then down to L-Town, Kansas. Then maybe California, and from there somewhere sandy and tropical and blue. To paraphrase an old classic, I’ve seen London and I’ve seen France, and I’ve been up on the Alps with Swiss cattle and I’ve seen Munich and Venice and whatever. I’m down with the bustling metropolises and the scenic villages, now I want to see the beaches.
4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?
There is something exhilarating about flying, but it also makes me cranky. Car trips are fabulous but they take forever. I’ve never ridden long distances on trains - all I know is, I’ve gone 38 solid hours one way on Greyhound, and I will never do that shit again. It doesn’t matter HOW much I love you.
5. What’s the next place on your list to visit?
In actuality, it’ll probably be Illinois for Christmas. If I had my way, I’d do the California tour - some time with Kris, some time with Mitch, some time with Nonoko, some time with Sarah (once she returns to the land of the non-seasonally-affective weather). The days are getting shorter here…
Also, here’s a big old shout out to my recently-returned pal Corey, who included me in his webcam today. Thanks, Corey! You’re swell.
holy hoodies, batman
Nenie found this website. I am sensing Fat Boy Hot Pants in my future. Don’t you think?
quote of the day
“Hey, Freesia … what with your whole ‘princess of darkness’ thing, I’m surprised you tan so well.”
-Josh
you have to believe we are magic
It’s difficult to fathom that the “Goodbye, LADY!” incident happened two years ago. Did you miss it? Here it is again.
And, just for good measure, let’s look at what was going through my head one year ago. I wasn’t going to post this, but apparently Kater and BK really like this entry, so here you go. Now come visit me, both of you. Pronto.