oh, barf
Bad news. A stomach virus the likes of which I have never seen has swooped down upon Ye Olde Theatre At Which I Am Presently Employed. Actors/crew/shop/admin people are being shot down with this thing at lightning speeds - it comes up out of absolutely nowhere. Actors have gone from “ready to go on” to “totally debilitated” in minutes. There have been occurrances of people vomiting onstage during transitions. There is actually a sign on the whiteboard in the production hallway that reads:
Underneath it, there is a drawing of several stick figures yakking … and the puke dribbles down from their feet and spells out the name of our current show. (It’s funny because it’s true.)
My first (and hopefully last) bout of food poisoning was just a couple months ago. I made chicken and apparently was none too careful about the handling. We sat down to eat and suddenly I did not feel like eating and was very tired. The most frightening part was being so cold and unable to get warm. Unfortunately for me it was a two-way street, if you catch me. I was finally drained and able to sleep about 3am. The next day I was completely worn out from the gastrointestinal gymnastics and afraid to eat. So I subsisted on Gatorade most of the day. Never so sick in all my life; gave my husband quite the scare. Get an industrial size can of Lysol. Spray everything.
I was once in a high school production of “Snow White” with a guy named Ducky Hower. Ducky had never been in a play before, and his stage debut was as a magic tree. He spent a good portion of the evening standing completely still, covered in leaves and green make-up, before magically coming to life in the finale.
Unfortunately Ducky, being new at this, didn’t realize that it would be a bad idea to play a game of basketball before a performance, get completely dehydrated, gorge on a McD’s value meal, and attempt to stand frozen under stage lights. Halfway through the second act, he pivoted, barfed into the wings, straightened up, and turned back into a tree. Man, the other trees have never wanted to kill anyone as much as they wanted to kill Puking Tree Hower.
(Is this “G, D. G!”? I’m seeing it Saturday, and I’d love to have a commemorative photo taken with the sign.)
(It’s funny because it’s true, and it’s also funny because at the last general audition I did at Your Place Of Employment I was so fucking freaked — god only knows why — that I was not so much acting a monologue as reciting words while I tried to determine whether or not I was sick enough to stop my audition mid-sentence and dash to the restroom to throw up.)
Hope you’re feeling better today.
It’s both GDG and OUT, although it was the GD preview that was hacked up at the last minute because the understudy wasn’t ready and there was no WAY Bhama was going on. The sign in the hall was courtesy of the sickos in the OUT cast. ;)
did Nick have something to do with this sign? I would not be at all surprised.
nope, he’s not here anymore. (Although that wouldn’t have surprised me either.)
Hey, man, what’s up with this whole “Do you hate dubya? Don’t know what to do about it? Click on my dog!” thing? I mean, “Click on my dog”. What is that, like, gay slang?
Yes, Josh. Because (much like yourself) I am very, VERY gay.
Gay, eh? I’ll have to cross you off my list. Damn shame.
I gave myself food poisoning once during the run of a show, and for three days spent every available off-stage moment standing next to a metal trash can. It was pretty disgusting, so you have my sympathies.
Stupid, stupid razor clams!