‘Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the ship
Not a circuit was beeping
Not even one chip.

The phasers were hung
In the armory with care.
In the hopes that no aliens
Soon would be there.

The Day Shift was cuddled
All snug in their beds.
While the Night Shift punched buttons
And wished they were dead.

Geordi kept on swiveling his chair all around
And Riker played ‘bone scales. All up and down.

When out on the bridge
There arose such a clatter.
Picard sprang from his chair
To see what was the matter.

When on to the view-screen there came in a flash,
An image of something that made him gasp.
For let me explain,
Just what had appeared.
But a miniature sleigh
And 8 warp-speed reindeer.

So close to the saucer they all flew
I knew right away
That it had to be Q.

More rapid than Cochrane
Their courses he changed,
And he whistled and shouted, and called them by name,

“Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet and Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen!
Right on past the nacelles and the engines and hull.
“Now, warp away! Warp away! Warp away all!”

So, up on the bridge the coursers they flew,
With a sleigh full of toys, and the villainous Q.
And then, in an instant, I heard on the hull
Prancing and pawing, a thud that was dull.

As Worf drew his weapon and was turning around,
All on the bridge heard that transporter sound.

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his belt
But all were exotic, there were no Terran pelts.
As boxes of presents he threw on the floor,
he cried “This is enough, so don’t ask for more!”

His eyes didn’t twinkle, he wasn’t that merry.
He actually looked quite demonic and scary!
His droll little mouth didn’t quite want to bow,
His polyester beard was as white as the snow.

He walked the bridge hanging up wreaths.
The stump of the pipe he wouldn’t hold in his teeth.
Why - it just seemed a little too risky, too chancy.
Plus, Rick Berman didn’t wish cancer for John de Lancie.

He had a round belly that wasn’t pathetic
But that was entirely thanks to prosthetics.

Who ever heard of a CONTINUUM elf?
Troi laughed when she saw him, in spite of herself.
Then, the glare of his eyes, and the tilt of his head
Let her know she had something to dread.

Then he spoke not a word,
But went straight to his work.
He took back her present, and called her a jerk.
Then giving a nod to that Betazoid,
Beamed backed out into the vacuum, the void.

He appeared in his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle
And away they all flew, like a rocket or missile.
And I heard him exclaim, ere he warped out of sight,
“HAPPY HOLIDAYS ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT.”