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thought i knew my mind like the back of my hand

spent so long convincing myself I felt a certain way. finally started to believe it. getting over, getting on with, getting through. feeling better. learning to create again. learning to thrive again. starting over.

the gold and the rainbow, nothing panned out as i planned

unsettled. shattered. thought things were one way. waiting for the other shoe to drop. waiting for the sky to fall. “yeah, sure. go ahead and tell me. i’ve got twenty minutes.” i was prepared for a multitude of things, but not this. not this.

they say only milk and honey’s gonna make your soul satisfied

i needed to keep that. i needed the hate to validate myself. to validate the new life. i needed you to be bad so i could be good. i wanted someone to blame.

i better learn how to swim cause the crossing is chilly and wide

you can’t do this. you’re not allowed. it’s unfortunate, it’s unwanted, it’s unnecessary. you were right, it’s unfair. you don’t have the right to do this anymore. not after everything else you’ve done. i won’t let you break things again.

and there’s always retrospect to light a clearer path
every five years or so I look back on my life and I have a good laugh
you start at the top, go full circle round, catch a breeze, take a spin
but ending up where I started again makes me want to stand still