Sick, again. Zach is also

Sick, again. Zach is also sick. Hi, Zach. Care to join me for some soup?

feel like i’m swimming through my day, everything viewed through a haze of chlorinated sludge, light trying to break through, slippery and weightless and heavy and backwards and upside-down, trying to breathe, can’t decide which way is up, head weighs too much, throat too dry to cry out, water water everywhere and not a drop to drink …

Hate being sick at work. Hate having people guilt trip me about how I’m going to make THEM sick when they’d just be pissed off if I actually took a sick day. Hate feeling helpless and hopeless and lost and stupid because of my drunken sick-stupor. Hate looking incompetent. Hate letting people down. Hate not living up to how Meaghan did this job, when she worked at the speed of light and never even took her LUNCH hour. Hate feeling guilty for taking my lunch hour. Hate the skin peeling off my nose from too much blowing. Hate the sick-headache. Hate the watery eyes. Hate the heavy head. Hate the runny, clogged, contradiction-nose. Hate bloody hands which have gone to shit because I’ve been too stressed out recently to care for them. Hate comfy, comfy bed which is currently calling to me. Hate responsibility. Hate stupid family situation. Hate stupid economic situation. Hate stupid housing situation. Hate stupid dog situation. Hate everything which makes my life here seem like it would be really nice to just walk away from. Hate distractions from my dreams. Hate stupid cold-lisp which makes me say “I hab a code id by dose”. Hate chapped lips. Hate doing things stupidly. Hate being in limbo. Hate it that my life is bad in more ways right now than it has ever been before. Hate it that my life is also good (or on the verge of good) right now in more ways than it has ever been before. Hate not knowing whether I hate or love my life.