Too much stress. Too many

Too much stress. Too many big decisions. Too many restless nights. Too much tossing and turning. WAY too much tooth-grinding. I’ve never ground my teeth before, and now I find I’m doing it all the time … without realizing it. My jaw muscles are so sore, it’s driving me nuts. Take the job I don’t want? Wait for job I kind of want? Stay with temp job I don’t really want? Who wants me? What do I want? Audition for show? Apply for grad school? Defer? Drop out? Play hookie? Sleep in? Which monologue will go with which monologue will go with which song in which key with which outfit and which shoes? Let them down easy? String them along? What card do I play if all three of these companies play me? How do I pay this off and pay that off and pay the other thing off when I’m not getting paid? How do I handle being sick when I have no insurance? Who will clean my apartment? Why don’t I have any clean underwear? Why do my jaws hurt hurt HURT until I want my head to explode just to release a little of the pent-up pressure? Why has my skin decided to act pre-pubescent just when I most need to be an adult? Why are old feelings so hard to get rid of? When you can’t get rid of them, why can’t you just hide them instead? Why is change so hard? Why do things change so fast? Why do I start making choices I WANT to make because I feel like I’m on a roll and then suddenly everything goes sour? Why can’t I predict my own karma? Why can’t I CONTROL my own karma?

Grind, grind, grind.