nothing’s gonna harm you,

nothing’s gonna harm you, not while I’m around

Happy anti-climactic FIFTH OF JULY! If you’re anything like the office I’m currently temping in, you’re probably either hung over, tired, cranky, dizzy, gassy, or some odd combination of two or more. I thought the fireworks were great - not quite as cool as the New Year’s fireworks off the shneedle, but still pretty fun. Of course, this was the first time I’ve ever sat on a beach and watched fireworks, so that was pretty novel. (I’m from Illinois, this “water” stuff is all new to me.)

Yesterday was simultaneously a really amazing day and a really, really cruddy, sort of heartwrending day. It was great because I got to talk to Julia. (Excuse the picture, it’s about five years old… but seriously, some things never change.) She was part of my second-semester-senior-year “threesome”… one of my inseparables. (The three of us really met for the first time after we’d been cast in No Exit. Go figure.) I’ve been just dying over the fact that I can’t afford to get to my high school reunion - I don’t know about anyone else, but for me, the second semester of my senior year in high school was probably the best, most rewarding time of my life. I started acting and was immediately SUCKED in. I did three shows in four months, two of which overlapped for a few weeks, and turned into this total addict. The three of us spent those four solid months LOCKED together, rehearsing in physics classrooms, performing in the orchestra room, fighting the administration, and doing something that changed my life. Right now, a lot of my friends are going through a period where they just feel aimless - they don’t know what they want, where they’re going, how to get there… for those few months, I was a machine, and so were all the people I surrounded myself with. That period of my life is the reason that I’m here right now: enjoying the hell out of my self as a poor-ass actor who temps on the side.

Staying in touch with Julia, Ryan, and my friend Casie really keeps me grounded. They are my link to the time in my life when I was most myself. As Julie said yesterday, it feels like “coming home”. Sort of reminds me of where I’ve been, and what I’ve done, and where the HELL I’m going. Anyway, that was the good part of the day. That, and the fireworks, of course.

The bad part of the day didn’t have to do with anything actually happening. It just occurred when I realized that Ryan (our third “inseparable”) and I haven’t talked once in over a year. He’s in Japan right now teaching English, and the last email I got from him was a mass email on July 14, 2000 that said “I’m moving to Japan, here’s my contact information”. It’s like - okay, has everyone seen the movie Threesome? Due to the amount of time we spent together and some viciously planted rumors, it became our favorite movie. Anyway, there’s this quote at the end that says something to the effect of, “How can someone be such a necessary part of your life one day, and just disappear the next? Isn’t it supposed to last?” It frightens me that this guy, who was my best friend in the world for such a long time, and who quite literally saved my life, can just vanish from my life for over a year. It pisses me off that neither of us did anything about it. I don’t know who to be angrier with, him or myself. (It is, however, significantly easier to yell at myself, since I’m on the same continent.) I’ve had a lot of friends in my life that I didn’t really mind losing, when the time came. This is not one of those times.

Anyway, it’s time for me to stop bitching and go to lunch. I have this sudden jones to ditch work entirely and go home and watch “10 Things I Hate About You”, since Ben is in Texas this week and I miss him. That dork.